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Panic

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I was told years ago that because of family history and a couple conditions I have, I most likely wouldn't be able to have kids without expensive fertility treatments. So I resigned myself to being the godmother and the cool auntie to my friends future kids. With no expectation of having children of my own or adopting (too expensive in the US,) I didn't do anything to prepare for the future.

After my incident at work, what little savings I had was descimated. Before that, I wasn't even that worried about putting money away. We ate out a lot, went to concerts, partied, etc. because why shouldn't we if our only responsibilities were each other?

Today it hit me how much our previous lifestyle bit us in the ass. It's a lot harder now with a baby. All the frivolous things have been left in the past, but money is so tight. I'm restricted to 12 hours a week at work due to my injury and unless doctors find an instant miracle cure for an injured back, that isn't going to change for a while. 

I tried offering commissions but my art isn't that marketable except for small time bands, and even then, the ones who claim they want to hire me to make album covers never follow through. I still have a commission from 2 years ago sitting on my bookshelf. The guy who requested it forgot about it. That does wonders for my self esteem. 

What a shitty time to not be born into a wealthy family. 

Sad
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