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Sunday Scaries

1
3χλμ.

I have work tomorrow and that alone kicks up so much anxiety. But then I have a crap ton of other things I need to take care of:

  1. Giant economics paper due in a week:  5-8 pages (or 2000 to 2500 words, min-max, single-spaced; or 10-15 pages if double-spaced). I have once again procrastinated and I have no one to blame but myself. Ugh.
  2. Have to turn in my application for certification program prior to 03/20/25 (should submit sooner because apparently all components of said application are due by then too; i.e. transcripts, etc).
  3. Have to turn in a voucher request to get spring tuition covered. If I don't get spring tuition paid for, I will be dropped from my spring class (last one before I graduate with my second bachelors degree). The process of requesting a voucher is a pain in the ass (think lots of sending in pdf files of my grades and schedule), but it gets tuition paid for.
  4. License renewals are due. Fun times doing all the continuing education units last minute at the same time as working on all the above crap.
  5. Myriad doctors appointments for the kids and myself (facking fack).
  6. Potentially apply for grad school. If accepted, I will have enslaved myself to never having a weekend to myself ever again for the next 4 to 5 years. 

On top of all this, there are all the asks, wants, and needs of a spouse and two high needs children (my younger child likely has some form of colitis and keeps throwing up every weekend; her appointment with the gastroenterologist is next week). The loveliest side effect of semaglutide has struck me: gastroparesis (read as every thing pertaining to my gut is painful). I'm beyond stressed out.

This Is Too Much GIFs | Tenor

Maybe I should just finish the second bachelors degree and call it good for a while. There's too much going on without adding school into the mix. Would I be okay with not continuing school, though? Thanks to a mediocre union, I'd get a nominal bump in pay every year for each subsequent year of experience/loyalty without being any smarter or doing anything other than existing.

I miss caring for myself and just myself. I miss dullness and quiet and cleanliness. I want a bedroom to myself with no one waking me out of a dead sleep because they're ill or scared or just being a noisy human being. I direly want my own life back and to feel okay again.

Sad
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