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  • Well Here We Go Again...
    Home from work with some variation of the flu in spite of having gotten work-mandated flu shot. It wasn't all the sick patients that got me, but my own kid with her special blend of germs that has me running to the bathroom in the middle of the night several times. Peeling my mucus-smeared, bleary-eyed face from the pillow this morning as my kids screamed their heads off had me wishing I'd...
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  • What the Actual...?
    So Elon Musk just threw a sieg heil at Trump's inauguration.  In perfect form.  How is this allowed??? How dare he bring hateful ideology to a ceremony of democracy.  If this is the New United States, then...
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  • Updates
    So we made it to our new apartment bordering Idaho. Biggest pro is it's cheaper and utilities and rent don't have a chokehold on us the way they did in Seattle. We're also going out more into nature and actually being outgoing instead of being cooped up. Biggest con is that my older kid isn't adjusting to the public school out here (some of the kids are kinda vapid bullies that throw kids a...
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  • Moving
    I hate moving. It is tedious and time-consuming.  Cardboard boxes, debris, and children are all over the damn place. Tripping on random toys, I'm half tempted to pay someone to do it for me; but it tacks on additional two grand to moving costs. As it is, moving four hours away is going to cost me more than what I make in a month. Who needs it. Good idea purge it all away. And I'm tired....
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  • Ghesmat
    If there were any doubt whether a more intelligent entity controls our fates, the fabric of our existence, each thread and very particle, a master seamster deciding how it should all unfold, a series of events made it abundantly clear where our next steps would take us.  Not coincidence. Ghesmat. In English, they call this Kismet, which roughly translates to fate or something meant to be....
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  • brain stew (and a prayer of sorts)
    The stability was nice while it lasted. We were in stasis and did not even realize our good fortune. The disruption to our stability to which I refer is having to move because our landlord hints that he wants to sell the property that we are renting; although he has not outright told us to vacate, he has sent a real estate broker a couple of times to complete appraisals of the property and...
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  • Whispers
    Whispers  like peels  from the other side unfurl ethereal fog. Whispers, deceptive crush of white  noise, obfuscate  and the forks abound in the muffling darkness. Alone to atone, clawing through the madness  of this Sisyphean life and all is all  but fucked. Whispers  fall and lie, an accumulation  of crushed potentials,  and I sigh  and I...
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  • Ennui
    An entire week of torpor, sleep deprivation, and a three day sugar bender did me no favors. I am fatter, tireder, and worse for the wear physically and moodwise. The past couple of weeks were painful. Our family pet died violently in front of us (seizures then hypoxia, which then triggered a sudden fatal arhythmia), half of us got the flu for a week, and I got slammed with school assignments;...
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  • Day 5
    I didn't get much sleep last night, as I came home late after working on a group project with classmates until almost midnight. In spite of being tired, I had to peel myself out of bed this morning and take the kids to school (late, but I still got them there).  Not much to report, except more fighting with spouse (this time about money). I often wonder how much is too much to help a...
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  • Days 3 and 4
    Day 3 felt a bit drowsier, but that might have been because the previous night I'd had a panic attack and had trouble falling asleep. I must have appeared deep in thought or something because I was asked several times if I was okay; honestly, around the noise of the kids, though, sometimes I deflate and become flat in affect. I must keep track of the highs and lows to monitor for hypomania (the...
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