So we made it to our new apartment bordering Idaho. Biggest pro is it's cheaper and utilities and rent don't have a chokehold on us the way they did in Seattle. We're also going out more into nature and actually being outgoing instead of being cooped up.

Biggest con is that my older kid isn't adjusting to the public school out here (some of the kids out here are kinda vapid bullies that throw kids a little different under the bus to make themselves look good). Another con was that I initially was having a hard time acclimating and adjusting to the culture out here too (so many people asking me where I'm from and it was a coin toss whether their resultant stink face was because I was a foreigner or whether I was from California); once they got used to me, though, and realized I was actually kind and trying to be helpful, it was no longer an issue and things returned to business as usual.

It's so pretty out here with the snow and trees. I think that our quality of life has overall improved coming to this strange land. It is a melting pot of Western European descended people obsessed with doing things only the correct way and ex-pat Californians. I'm thinking of potentially buying a house out here, but the current interest rates would make housing payments double the rent that we're currently paying and thus financially painful; I don't think buying a house is in our immediate future, but we'll see what happens.

Things that haven't changed with relocation are having two kids at each other's throats costantly fighting, arguing, and crying in spite of parental guidance, oversight, and involvement. The older one is full of impulsivity and opposition due to her ADHD; she literally lacks control when it comes to keeping her hands to herself or sitting quietly. She constantly has to stir things up and create stimulation, even if everyone else is sitting quietly in their own bubble minding their own business, thereby creating unrest and tumult for us. Is it any wonder that we are constantly exhausted? The community I grew up in had two solutions for such a child: marry them off at eighteen or send them off to the military at eighteen. Either way, the child does a lot of growing up and maturing and learns that their behavior doesn't fly in the real world. The younger child is immunocompromised and keeps us on our toes with her asthma and constantly getting sick (literally sick every day for the past three weeks, oscillating between the flu, an infected abscess, diarrhea, and a fever out of the blue; we've been in to see the doctor twice in that span of time and she's now on antibiotics). In this respect, moving changed nothing about our reality; leaving with the two largest stressors in our lives in tow means that we're just tired and stressed in a new zipcode.

So this is my reality. In the spirit of full disclosure and honesty, I have not been coping well; my solution every time one of these punk kids starts shrieking is to stuff my face in front of the television to anesthetize and not feel the pain of raising two high needs children. I want to do better and feel better; what can I do? I've tried working out to help with getting the endorphins going and boosting serotonin; unfortunately, the younger child hampers these efforts if she doesn't feel like going for a walk or doesn't feel like going to the gym. I am taking half of a baby dose of an SSRI daily, which has helped; however, I am against increasing the dose because what is wreaking havoc for my moods are external, not internal. Furthermore, when I look at how I function, I function just fine outside of the home environment; work is actually my happy place because I can actually feel like my old self. It's when I come home that it all just goes to hell in a handbasket. You can't medicate away having difficult children. I finally bit the bullet with my overeating by being prescribed semaglutide; I don't see an improvement in my behavior, but I am told that it takes several weeks to take effect and notice any improvement in terms of the urge to overeat. I keep thinking that I will be the exception to the rule and just eat everything in sight in spite of the Clockwork Orange nauseating effect of the medication; I hope I'm wrong and that the medication is effective. I am addressing the behavioral component of overeating with cognitive behavioral therapy.

I know it will eventually get better. Kids grow up, they leave for college and live their own lives, and the empty nesters finally have peace and quiet. I'm just so impatient to go full steam with my own career aspirations and further my education to achieve that end. Again, having kids kinda sorta puts a crimp in these best laid plans. I just have to bite the bullet and bide my time until they are older and more self-sufficient. It'll be okay.