Hard To See
So while I was relaxing on gummies, I had a flashback to when I was younger in my career and I didn't react the way I should have.
It reminded me that we all have this vision of ourselves as "Smart, Strong, Good, Brave" etc.
But sometimes we're IDIOTS, WEAK, BAD or even COWARDLY.
It was hard to remember that, because it was a blow to my ego, but the truth is the truth even if it hurts.
I had been taking inmates for lock-ups and we had to be in a sallyport with giant King Kong Gates...One side opens and we walk in, they close it and then open up the other side.
Dude in control was mad because he had to do that and kept us in the sallyport 10 minutes while we called the radio, yelled and tried for him to open up.
While he ignored us.
I of course got angry and wanted to fight, but I was afarid of getting fired, plus honestly I don't know if I would have won the fight then.
I wasn't mean enough yet...I was bigger, younger and stronger, but the Killer Instict wasn't there yet.
So I wimped out because I let it go with some weak ass yelling...Like it meant anything.
But now I remember that and I'm mad at myself for not really threatening him or offering to meet up after work to handle it...We called it "Parking Lot Therapy."
But I was a bitch for money and didn't do anything.
But that being said, I made up for it multiple multiple times afterwards...But it's still all "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda" with the original situation.
You either do it when it's in your face or you should feel shame afterwards.
I let myself be disrespected and doesn't matter how many men I literally killed afterwards...I let that one slip.
So going to take something good from it, that being since at least 2013 I have not let ANY insults go without a fight or them backing down.
Except once and that got handled when there weren't any cameras on afterwards.
But I'm retired now, but if I see that partner on the streets next time I'm in Cali, I'm going to handle it.
No I'm not kidding.
Give him something to remember me by with interest added on...Thinking break his floating rib.
That shit will hurt for months.
Not going to be wondering about that in my 80's...Going to even up the scoreboard.
So the Moral of the Story is:
Don't allow anyone to disrespect you...Do or say something...If you wait like I did then it'll bother you years later.
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