I have a few things to say to the Mayans who live in Southern Mexico and through Central America.

1. Listen here Mayans of the Peninsula YOU MAY not pretend that fried banana chips are the same as tortillas...That shit belongs on cereal not on my Moros y Christianos.*
2. How do you guys in the south make such bad tortillas?  At least the Olmecs and Aztecs made amazing tortillas!  You fuckers have been making them for like 7,000 years..Get the fucking receipe correct!
3. As for you Mayans from Central America...I can semi-forgive you guys not making tortillas since it's hard to grow corn there, but why does your bread have absolutely no taste and weigh more than TUNGSTEN???  How is bread this possibly hard, tasteless and heavy?  Is this black magic?  Is bread cursed in Central America?  Did you guys insult the Jaguar god or the god of good bread and this was your curse?

Answer me damn it!

* Moors and Christians = Black Beans and White Rice for obvious reasons