I feel so stupid for feeling the way I feel. I specifically told my fiance I wanted him to continue with his bands and do concerts after the baby was born. Yet every time he goes off to preform, I find myself getting increasingly annoyed the longer he's out, especially on nights when the baby is fussy. He has a mini tour coming up in a couple months. I'm afraid of what kind of mood swing I'll have while he's away. 

I'm running on caffeine fumes from a monster, a redbull and 2 cups of coffee. The baby won't sleep. She keeps throwing up or spitting up no matter how long after feeding I lay her down. Mom is injured and can't take her, our roommate is recovering from a medical condition and he won't be home until well after midnight. The house still isn't clean and my dad will be here tomorrow for a visit. Oh, and I fell yesterday and pulled on my stitches, so there's that constant pain.

I wish I was rich so I could afford a cleaner. That's it. Not a cook and a nanny and a chauffeur, just a cleaner. Even if it's just for the next 3 weeks while I recover, it would take away so much stress. 

She's crying again. She doesn't want to lay down, but I'm so tired that I'm afraid I'll fall asleep with her in my arms and drop her. 

Fuck.