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Days 3 and 4

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3كيلو بايت

Day 3 felt a bit drowsier, but that might have been because the previous night I'd had a panic attack and had trouble falling asleep. I must have appeared deep in thought or something because I was asked several times if I was okay; honestly, around the noise of the kids, though, sometimes I deflate and become flat in affect. I must keep track of the highs and lows to monitor for hypomania (the first 2 days in, I felt that exaggerated sense of wellbeing, rush of euphoria, and could not keep still); even if that is the case, it's not a dealbreaker to me because of the intermittent dosing (although, I am apprehensive about the potential lows and possible withdrawal that will surely come after the highs). There was some schism with my partner over making dinner, but it passed (I was irritable over cleaning before cooking; his response was to step in and make dinner because he was hungry).

Day 4 feels fine, especially with a bolstering cup of coffee. I even got the kids to school on time (biggest litmus test of functionality). Last night, I passed out like a light a few minutes after 10, leading to the obvious conclusion that sleep is critical in terms of mood and optimal function. I have some stressors on my plate this week, but it feels like I might be able to manage just fine; it's tolerable. 

Something else on my mind is whether I may be stagnating in my job and that is one factor that may be contributing to my mental feelings of unwellness. I will admit, however, that I am reticent to embark on learning the ropes of a new job in the midst of school and the chaos of raising a family. I will comb through the job boards and see if I come across any interesting opportunities; if there is anything that piques my interest, I will discuss with my partner and see if we can make it work.

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