Even though I'm only taking a few vacation days at the moment, I'm noticing that after a few weeks (if not months) I'm finally getting some rest. It may sound strange, but I'm really happy that I'm able to sleep more than half of the day on average (without feeling bad) and without a stressed-out over-thinking mode keeping me awake.

If you own one of those tacky track suits/pyjamas made from this stretchy soft nikki velvet fabric... BE GRATEFUL be fucking grateful for those taiwanese seamstresses that made it for below minimum wage...BE FECKIN GRATEFUL you didn't have to sew it yourself... this fabric is a BITCH to work with! it is silpping on the good sides, needs 100 pins and clamps to hold it in place and the result will still come out crooked. And I was only making a pillow.. Those seamstressses have my UTMOST RESPECT for doing that for a very low wage!!!

Relax, rejuvenate, and recharge. 🌿✨ Massage therapy isn’t just a luxury—it’s self-care that your body and mind deserve. Let the stress melt away one breath at a time. 🕊💆‍♀️ #MassageTherapy #Relaxation #selfcare linktree.com/xzanthiamassage

Somehow I've realized that every time I'm stressed/depressed (sometimes unconsciously), I like to cook/bake to relieve the stress. Really strange habit of myself. I'm not sure if more severe creeping depression means equaling better baking results, if so, it's probably going to go bad soon :D

Stress relief in one picture :D Shit took ages

The only highlight if today was that someone brought a waffle maker and we got to eat waffles as a St. Nikolaus' treat. The rest of this day is a permanent alternation of stress and anxiety...😩 Just one more week to go...

My soul really needed this long weekend for myself... I was mentally burning out in the shadow of a high functioning facade for 2 months. I needed a break from life and from functioning perfectly. A small vacation without any obligations or an agenda. Just me alone and my art. And the luxury to decide on on a whim, what I feel like doing. No places to be at certain times, no schedule, no peole to meet... Just time passing by at my own pace.... I know its odd, but spending time alone is actually the most relaxing for me. Going on vacations/traveling is just stressing me out.

I have been oddly productive lately... I've cleaned my apartment every weekend, worked on a crafting project every evening and that on top of having an incredibly stressful time at my job working 9-10 hours a day...I did like 30 overtime hours last month... what is this motivation and where does it come from? I'm actually starting to be concerned...

Ahhh. 😩 My depression & anxiety is back to a 10. Three days ago we where told we have to move because our landlord is selling our home. Again. We were not finically prepared and have only 1 option. Noah n I r moving into a trailer at my fathers, I can’t bring my animals because they will b confined n neglected. My dog I’ve had 8years barks if left alone, n we both work full time. Etc. PJ is looking for a place to live, my nephew has to move back to Arizona, he’s been with me since my brother passed away n our friend/roommate was crying in our driveway when we pulled in last night from taking a load of my stuff to storage. This has made me physically ill. I’m soooooooo unhappy with moving into this situation however no one has the $ to pay first,last night security deposit @ a new place this fast other then our roommate n I, n I go out of the country for a month sept 3. I’m very worried about the stress this is gonna put in my relationship with pj & I’m still trying to finish my paintings for my solo show in a week in Orlando. I’m gonna make the best out of it, but it’s very hard to see anything positive about it. Living on my father’s property is immensely repressive and his personally is unusually difficult. he kicked us out 3 months ago because of small annoyances. He gave us 2 days to move. I swore I would never return & I stopped shooting daily life videos then because I’ve been so depressed. I just got on medication for my depression a week ago. Ahhh, the eggshells to walk on with my father or it will happen again. I have had no stability since 2018. Moving constantly, Landloards selling my home repeatedly without enough time to properly prepare for next chapter. I’m soooo glad I was never able to have kids, just seeing the stress this has put on my relationships & animals is horrible. I can’t imagine dragging a child through the shit that has been my life. I don’t share this to often, it’s to private and ugly, but this has been the second worse chapter of my life. With all the death, displacement & deletion of the platforms I have worked so hard on, it’s been very hard to want to move forward. My x that left me in 2018, when this all started. Loosing my st pete home I was in 8 years n my resort, often joked that “my life was in shambles”. Loosing him was devastating during that change. I’m grateful for PJ & Noah for sticking around. PJ 15 years, Noah 3 years. I’ve moved 7 times since I’ve been with Noah the last 3 years. This will be the 8th. PJ was crying in his sleep last night. His girlfriend of 4 years just ended it with him a month ago & he’s been taking it very hard. (Pj, Noah & I are polyamorous) I’m lucky in that field. There is sooooooo much more but that’s is only the stuff that I can say publicly. I have cryed soooo much in the last couple days my mussels hurt & im dehydrated. I wish I had 3 months to prepare. It’s 3-4am n I can’t sleep and I have work at 5am. I just want my life to stop sucking. I’m sick of pretending everything is ok. I just want to be ok. Even if only for 6 months without loosing someone or something huge. At least I no longer have to sleep in the bed, in the bedroom of my x Drew who died a year ago while he had been living with us off n on for 10 years. I still dream of him, not living in our space will help me move on from that trama. There is a silver ligning. 😩 Instagram.com/XZanthia_OctoShroom

I am bummed, depressed, haven't been feeling well for quite some time, and I am blank as a fart when it has been dealing with my creative endeavors. I have been under lots of stress, putting up with all the bulls**t from others and living in this sewer trap of a rural town, as I despise the surrounding counties and want out of this state and area so badly. I fear my life is over. I'm 47 and will be 50 in three years as I wept a few times over that. I have a degree that I feel I cannot make use of, I want this other degree, and I feel I do not get the kind of support I need financially, and I feel I have been kind of neglected emotionally and mentally lately. It is hard for me to talk about things as it is, and it seems when I attempt to vent or express my troublesome feelings and such...no one is to reply back or I do not get any replies. But it seems there are some people who want me to stop and drop everything for them when they need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, but when I have these same needs and such I get blown off like a fart in the wind, no one replies back, and I'm left feeling stupid, hurt, and having this belief that noone really cares how I feel, what I want, or that lending me their ear or shoulder Is a burden to them when I need someone. It's a very lonely world. And I feel like I have no answers or know what the next step is. Sorry, I just had to get this off my chest. This is the only site I feel free to do so.