Just read something and it made me flashback:

I can only remember once being that emotionally fucked before...When I was like 22-23 and I had a hard breakup and it felt like my emotions were just a fucking rollercoaster:

It was the early 90's so Mania/Anxiety Attack/clinnical Depression weren't really a thing...You were just "Bugging...Being stupid...Should just get over it...Get drunk and get past it...Go fuck someone else and forget it" etc etc.

But I ran to the library and got I bullshit you not like 15 Psych books and figured out what was happening to me...Took awhile, but I understood that I needed to read, write, exercise, eat better and not drink to get over it.

I was lucky.

This time almost 30 years later this was COMPLETELY different...I was scared of dying, but not in a hard panic...The panic was from the boredom of being locked up in the ICU room for hours with no stimulation, cold as fuck, hungry, scared of what would happen to my mother and the thought I'd die in my sleep since my O2 levels would drop waaaaaaay below normal when I slept.

So I asked for something to calm me...They gave me Valium...Which worked GREAT!  As long as you were on it...Then as soon as it whittled down there was a huge rush back to panic hitting even harder...Making you pretty much addicted to having it in your system.

Fuck that.

The anxiety and panic attacks started really bad by 3rd day in ICU...Out of nowhere they would hit.

A few days later I discovered all that was medication caused...The shit they had been injecting me with.

The steroids make you shakey and anxious and will not let you sleep...The Remdesevir hurts your body and causes interenal body panic as the body feels the poisoning and Levofloaxcin causes paranoia and nightmares.

No doctor or RN ever mentioned this to me or warned me...All they did was add pills to knock me out or keep me drugged up on anti-anxiety meds.

Which in turn made me more anxious when I wasn't on them.

Soon as I got out on the 6th day, I IMMEDIATELY stopped taking their garbage and in 3 days when it had washed out of my system I was back in complete control of my emotions.

So reading these stories about people in Covid Panic for 2 years makes sense to me...Was reading the rate of anti-anxiety medication, drug and alcohol abuse has almost doubled nationwide.

People can't cope without drinking, smoking, smoking pot, doing drugs or taking a bunch of psych meds.

Every time you get major or minor surgury afterwards doctors offer anxiety meds...No bullshit.

When I got my adenoids cut off they asked me what opiates I wanted and if I wanted some anxiety meds.

For what?

I even passed on the pain meds...I just popped Alleve every now and then.

But imagine how many just get the meds for the fuck of it?

I am highly worried of people coming off whatever they were on, are used to getting or highly addicted to.

Only drugs I need is coffee and cocaine...I don't even like cocaine...I just like the way it smells.*

Is anyone reading this actually unsure if they are addicted to anxiety/depression meds?

*Noodles doesn't do cocaine