Running on nill amount of sleep and caffeine exclusively is not sustainable way of function.  Three weeks, im surprised its only catching up to me now. I miss her so much.  Life is draining and humans are exhausting. How do you even recharge when your charger has been flung into the fucking void.  x 2.    Ugh.   

I finally finished my second bachelors degree and received a bent diploma in the mail attesting to my efforts; not that it does anything in terms of increasing my pay or scope of practice, but it is still something and serves as a gateway to attaining more education.  I was accepted to graduate school, but I deferred because the person I am legally tied to was not happy about this and is not onboard with being lumped with more childcare and household responsibilites. He projects toxic...

I dont know really. I forgot how to rant, lol.   Fuckin... tired of politics, tired of religion, tired of running into veeeery questionable people.  Tired of my brain and nerves being fried, but hey .... caffeine burn out is a thing, I guess. Seems to be mixing funny with my meds, and while i feel nothing - also feel heniously uncomfortable about feeling nothing. Wellll and the active grief, the corrosive black hole in my essence, that never ebs and just kinda sits firmly planted in...

I know I must begin writing again. I know I have a good nonfiction writing niche, but I really want to write fiction again.  I am not sure if I want to write fiction novels yet, but I do want to write short stories in the fiction world. I do want to write screenplays at some point too. I do know each time I attempt to write a fiction story with a more serious type of plot and character from it ends up hysterical. I guess I should just write funny short stories and work my way...

No Mercy for the weak. Oh the paradox The time of turning When one keeps to itself and so does the other. It builds, and it builds until it boils up and festers like an open wound with shit kicked on it and when the infection settles in, it becomes the sickening of the ages Years go by and the silence grows and you wonder... How did this all come to be? Oh woe is to you that doesn't get your way. Arrogant, entitled, narcissistic young child. When will you ever learn that the world does not...

If you're a pathetic weakling, feel the need to see your way out, that is the only warning I will give.  As for anyone else reading this...I pity you.   --------------------------------------------- Imagine being and not being at the same time.  What an odd feeling it is to never be seen or heard, to move in silence at all times. Seeing everyone's moves all at once right before it happens. Hold your tongue all the time lest the offended get their panties in a wad. Don't say...

Somehow I banged out a paper: 5.5 pages single-spaced at >3000 words. And turned it in a day early.  Now I wait for the grade I receive from my peer. I can't say that I like the idea ; all it takes is one over-zealous goody two shoes classmate giving a crappy grade. Stoopid. Whatever, it's done.  I turned in my certification application last week, which hopefully will be a shoe in. If accepted, my summer is in the toilet while I work on national certification. But, hey, it's...

Home from work with some variation of the flu in spite of having gotten work-mandated flu shot. It wasn't all the sick patients that got me, but my own kid with her special blend of germs that has me running to the bathroom in the middle of the night several times. Peeling my mucus-smeared, bleary-eyed face from the pillow this morning as my kids screamed their heads off had me wishing I'd gone the childless route of Seth Rogen. On top of which, I had to pay for rent this month ($1600) and...

So Elon Musk just threw a sieg heil at Trump's inauguration.  In perfect form.  How is this allowed??? If this is the New United States, then...

Sometimes it is worth to look back onto the worst days you ever had, in order to love yourself a little more As I was just sitting down in my art studio to work on my current cosplay project, I realised that last year this day at this exact time was probably the worst I had experienced in that year.I was emotionally in a very dark place back then. Severely depressed, feeling uncertain, lost, alone, without perspective and just utterly hopeless. And the one thing that was supposed to cheer me...

Im tired of people saying that "NATO is a defensive alliance" And just repeating what CNN told them  I have researched it, AND No where in the NATO doctrine does it say NATO countries can't attack countries not attacking them,It also has nothing about what if a NATO member is attacked back by a country that its attackingother then article 5, Which means everyone is meant to come to their defense even if they started it! READ IT IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME!The US and other NATO nations have...

I hate moving. It is tedious and time-consuming.  Cardboard boxes, debris, and children are all over the damn place. Tripping on random toys, I'm half tempted to pay someone to do it for me; but it tacks on additional two grand to moving costs. As it is, moving four hours away is going to cost me more than what I make in a month. Who needs it. Good idea purge it all away. And I'm tired. Drove my sig other to urgent care because his sciatica flared up. Slapped a lidocaine patch on...

If there were any doubt whether a more intelligent entity controls our fates, the fabric of our existence, each thread and very particle, a master seamster deciding how it should all unfold, a series of events made it abundantly clear where our next steps would take us.  Not coincidence. Ghesmat. In English, they call this Kismet, which roughly translates to fate or something meant to be. I cannot ignore that so many events unrolled one after the other, bringing to sharp focus the plan...

The stability was nice while it lasted. We were in stasis and did not even realize our good fortune. The disruption to our stability to which I refer is having to move because our landlord hints that he wants to sell the property that we are renting; although he has not outright told us to vacate, he has sent a real estate broker a couple of times to complete appraisals of the property and repair costs. He does not commit to either selling or offering a new lease to sign, and this is creating...

Whispers  like peels  from the other side unfurl ethereal fog. Whispers, deceptive crush of white  noise, obfuscate  and the forks abound in the muffling darkness. Alone to atone, clawing through the madness  of this Sisyphean life and all is all  but fucked. Whispers  fall and lie, an accumulation  of crushed potentials,  and I sigh  and I sigh and I sigh,  forlorn corpse venting trapped gases and regrets.