#fantasy #ships

Ahhh. 😩 My depression & anxiety is back to a 10. Three days ago we where told we have to move because our landlord is selling our home. Again. We were not finically prepared and have only 1 option. Noah n I r moving into a trailer at my fathers, I can’t bring my animals because they will b confined n neglected. My dog I’ve had 8years barks if left alone, n we both work full time. Etc. PJ is looking for a place to live, my nephew has to move back to Arizona, he’s been with me since my brother passed away n our friend/roommate was crying in our driveway when we pulled in last night from taking a load of my stuff to storage. This has made me physically ill. I’m soooooooo unhappy with moving into this situation however no one has the $ to pay first,last night security deposit @ a new place this fast other then our roommate n I, n I go out of the country for a month sept 3. I’m very worried about the stress this is gonna put in my relationship with pj & I’m still trying to finish my paintings for my solo show in a week in Orlando. I’m gonna make the best out of it, but it’s very hard to see anything positive about it. Living on my father’s property is immensely repressive and his personally is unusually difficult. he kicked us out 3 months ago because of small annoyances. He gave us 2 days to move. I swore I would never return & I stopped shooting daily life videos then because I’ve been so depressed. I just got on medication for my depression a week ago. Ahhh, the eggshells to walk on with my father or it will happen again. I have had no stability since 2018. Moving constantly, Landloards selling my home repeatedly without enough time to properly prepare for next chapter. I’m soooo glad I was never able to have kids, just seeing the stress this has put on my relationships & animals is horrible. I can’t imagine dragging a child through the shit that has been my life. I don’t share this to often, it’s to private and ugly, but this has been the second worse chapter of my life. With all the death, displacement & deletion of the platforms I have worked so hard on, it’s been very hard to want to move forward. My x that left me in 2018, when this all started. Loosing my st pete home I was in 8 years n my resort, often joked that “my life was in shambles”. Loosing him was devastating during that change. I’m grateful for PJ & Noah for sticking around. PJ 15 years, Noah 3 years. I’ve moved 7 times since I’ve been with Noah the last 3 years. This will be the 8th. PJ was crying in his sleep last night. His girlfriend of 4 years just ended it with him a month ago & he’s been taking it very hard. (Pj, Noah & I are polyamorous) I’m lucky in that field. There is sooooooo much more but that’s is only the stuff that I can say publicly. I have cryed soooo much in the last couple days my mussels hurt & im dehydrated. I wish I had 3 months to prepare. It’s 3-4am n I can’t sleep and I have work at 5am. I just want my life to stop sucking. I’m sick of pretending everything is ok. I just want to be ok. Even if only for 6 months without loosing someone or something huge. At least I no longer have to sleep in the bed, in the bedroom of my x Drew who died a year ago while he had been living with us off n on for 10 years. I still dream of him, not living in our space will help me move on from that trama. There is a silver ligning. 😩 Instagram.com/XZanthia_OctoShroom

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/dating/embarrassing-gen-z-dating-problem-millennials-dont-have/news-story/78c3b0bcdff7c80ce4d90fb7e227b6c2

#painting #ships

https://youtu.be/zJASJRRakew?si=ohtngSMneyy8U5NH This song is one of my favorites of all time. I love the anger and the lyrics are harsh. Creative and describing a being that just wants to destroy everything and has no remorse for anything at all. I think this might have been reznor talking about how he felt about God. I know he used to despise god....He now believes in god and worships him which is great......his dark music was definitely his best though.

I'm going to put this out there and you are gonna think I am weird as hell for it but that is okay. Mother's Day can be hard for a lot of people. It can be hard for those who can not have kids but want kids. It can be hard for people who have lost kids and carry them now just in their hearts and memories. It can also be hard for those who have lost Mother's or have strained relationships with toxic Mother's. No matter your situation you are seen and recognized and if you have lost a child you are still a mom, if you can not have a child but love friends kids with a mother's heart you are still a mom and if you are in a toxic relationship with a mom that is their loss because you are worthy of love and I hope you treat yourselves this weekend and remember you have value and worth. Keep your heads up! <3

Some ppl think that maybe when a female prefers to be single that she is making herself eligible to numerous males. Relationships ruin alot of wonderful friendships that started everything to begin with :( Its horrible loosing ppl that you get along with well.

again.... relationships are hard.... if ... you dont breath in and out 10 times before saying what rushes to your head at that minute

#ships #wallpaper

Not The Time For Fake Friendships 🫀🫀🫀🫀