Just a random question. Have you ever observed any female admitting fault for a broken relationship, ever?

Putting in genuine effort feels like wasted effort sometimes. It's like people have this standard of movie-like perfection that just doesn't exist naturally, or without proper communication. I feel humiliated and depressed, and on top of that I feel like the bad guy for having those emotions. I feel like I've put genuine thought and effort into making this person feel important. I've stuck by and listened; really, genuinely listened. All of that just to be left waiting, without any kind of heads up, flowers and gifts in hand, all dressed up and wanting to make it a special day. Only to be stood up and told that no man has ever or will ever put any kind of real effort. Was it not enough effort? Or am I just not a man? I let myself be vulnerable enough to want to build a relationship again. Even if it wasn't meant as a direct attack, I still feel disrespected. I had no foul intentions. And my feeling were true. I'm still processing how to feel and respond. Idk, I'm just ranting and venting here so I can get it out of my system. I didn't think I'd feel this hurt. But oh well, love finds a way. With someone, at some point in my life. Maybe someone else. I'm going to keep putting in that effort, but for someone who appreciates the little gestures as much as the grand gestures. I have my friends, I have my dog, and I have myself. The rest will work itself out when it's time I guess.

I'd like to thank that one caller on Saturday who couldn't spell my name or listen to me spell it for her; so she told me I'm pronouncing it wrong "because Americans always pronounce it wrong." If it weren't for her not being American, I would have continued my 36th year on this planet thinking I was pronouncing my own name correctly. My life is changed, forever! If I had a relationship with my family, I'd let them know, too. 👍

Survived probably one of the busiest shifts iv'e had in a long time today. its all cold and snowy now so its bringing everyone out in droves, fingers hurt from alot of guitar practice last night so have to rest before tomorrow's practice. hoping to get more patches on the jacket and vest when i can,had some VERY interesting interactions with a few customers outside of work ,some "i'm going to try and be goth to try and fit in but im really not" girl didn't speak to me when i was talking with her and her mom i bet because she think's she's high class or something and better than me,yep....also some girl approached me after i left in the snow covered parking lot a few nights ago (by yelling at me lol) we shook hands and i introduced myself, could possibly be another relationship after idk HOW many years ? We'll see...not going to expect anything though, would be nice to not be alone again during this winter.

Have you ever had that nagging sensation that you're out of place among the wrong people? Lately, I've struggled to find any opportunities at the place where I live. It feels like months have gone by with only empty promises from work, leaving me burnt out and unable to enjoy even the simplest pleasures. I can't shake this profound loneliness I've experienced for weeks, and it's perplexing since I’m in a relationship. It's odd when you are being told that they are here for you and to try to respond to this as often as possible on the same level, even when your social battery is depleted, yet still feel so utterly isolated. The depths of my depression have made it hard to get out of bed for days, with tears flowing freely. Am I misguided in my expectations of what a relationship should be? When I realize that a house is on fire, for example, and I hear some calls for help, I try to rescue this person from it if possible and don’t avoid it because it might be too “hot.” I believe in stepping into the flames to support those I love, to hold their hand as we navigate the chaos together. Yet, here I am, feeling like I’m trapped in my own burning house while my partner stands outside, unsure whether to come in or watch from a distance. I’m left feeling so conflicted… I love my partner deeply, yet I also feel profoundly abandoned and overlooked. I want to believe that love can withstand these moments of despair, that we can face life’s struggles as a team. But the distance created by unspoken words and unmet expectations feels like an insurmountable wall between us. I often wonder if I’m asking for too much—if my desire for connection is unreasonable in a world that often seems too chaotic to handle. Shouldn't a partner be a safe haven, a source of comfort during the storm? Or am I just searching for validation in all the wrong places? The fear of losing that connection, of being vulnerable and showing my true self, holds me back. There are days I crave honesty, but what if that honesty exposes too much? What if it reveals the depths of my struggles, and in response, all I receive is pity instead of understanding?

So this woman In a relationship sits down next to her friend and she has black eyes and the friend says "why do you stay in that abusive relationship?" She responds "beat the hell outta me."

patreon.com/XZANTHIA🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙 #NarcissisticAbuse #GaslightingAwareness #HealingFromNarcissism #LifeAfterGaslighting #BreakingFreeFromToxicity #GaslightingRecovery #SurvivingNarcissism #MentalHealthJourney #ToxicRelationshipHealing #EmotionalAbuseAwareness #LifeUpdate #SelfHealingJourney #TakingBackMyPower #ReclaimingMyLife #HealingAfterAbuse #MovingForwardInLife #FromVictimToSurvivor #GaslightingSurvivor #NoMoreToxicity #SelfLoveAndHealing https://www.instagram.com/reel/DAabZWOsmBo/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

I had one of the weirdest things happen. a co-worker who i have known for a long time passively aggressively told her bf no not talk to me because they were worried i would like "ruin" there relationship or something, i also have been excluded from one of my best friends weddings because i'm by myself and don't have anyone to love...i just finished a 10 hour shift tonight and stayed longer even though i didn't HAVE too...can't wait till this all comes crashing down upon those who wronged me. i rarely EVER get angry an anyone and if i do its usually not for a stupid reason,people...are very odd.

when your big brother suddenly calls you and asks for your opinion/advice...🥺 That was the first time in our entire life he came to me seeking advice on something serious...😭 We never had a normal sibling relationship as we are both neurodivergent and quite polar opposites. While I'm bubbly, emotional and empahtic. My brother is more silent broody and proud. So this has led to a a bit of friction and distance in the past... Just now I finally feel like we are on eye level and accept each others strenghts and shortcomings and seek help from each other do make up for our shorts. Like our relationship has finally been mended.😭😭😭

Ahhh. 😩 My depression & anxiety is back to a 10. Three days ago we where told we have to move because our landlord is selling our home. Again. We were not finically prepared and have only 1 option. Noah n I r moving into a trailer at my fathers, I can’t bring my animals because they will b confined n neglected. My dog I’ve had 8years barks if left alone, n we both work full time. Etc. PJ is looking for a place to live, my nephew has to move back to Arizona, he’s been with me since my brother passed away n our friend/roommate was crying in our driveway when we pulled in last night from taking a load of my stuff to storage. This has made me physically ill. I’m soooooooo unhappy with moving into this situation however no one has the $ to pay first,last night security deposit @ a new place this fast other then our roommate n I, n I go out of the country for a month sept 3. I’m very worried about the stress this is gonna put in my relationship with pj & I’m still trying to finish my paintings for my solo show in a week in Orlando. I’m gonna make the best out of it, but it’s very hard to see anything positive about it. Living on my father’s property is immensely repressive and his personally is unusually difficult. he kicked us out 3 months ago because of small annoyances. He gave us 2 days to move. I swore I would never return & I stopped shooting daily life videos then because I’ve been so depressed. I just got on medication for my depression a week ago. Ahhh, the eggshells to walk on with my father or it will happen again. I have had no stability since 2018. Moving constantly, Landloards selling my home repeatedly without enough time to properly prepare for next chapter. I’m soooo glad I was never able to have kids, just seeing the stress this has put on my relationships & animals is horrible. I can’t imagine dragging a child through the shit that has been my life. I don’t share this to often, it’s to private and ugly, but this has been the second worse chapter of my life. With all the death, displacement & deletion of the platforms I have worked so hard on, it’s been very hard to want to move forward. My x that left me in 2018, when this all started. Loosing my st pete home I was in 8 years n my resort, often joked that “my life was in shambles”. Loosing him was devastating during that change. I’m grateful for PJ & Noah for sticking around. PJ 15 years, Noah 3 years. I’ve moved 7 times since I’ve been with Noah the last 3 years. This will be the 8th. PJ was crying in his sleep last night. His girlfriend of 4 years just ended it with him a month ago & he’s been taking it very hard. (Pj, Noah & I are polyamorous) I’m lucky in that field. There is sooooooo much more but that’s is only the stuff that I can say publicly. I have cryed soooo much in the last couple days my mussels hurt & im dehydrated. I wish I had 3 months to prepare. It’s 3-4am n I can’t sleep and I have work at 5am. I just want my life to stop sucking. I’m sick of pretending everything is ok. I just want to be ok. Even if only for 6 months without loosing someone or something huge. At least I no longer have to sleep in the bed, in the bedroom of my x Drew who died a year ago while he had been living with us off n on for 10 years. I still dream of him, not living in our space will help me move on from that trama. There is a silver ligning. 😩 Instagram.com/XZanthia_OctoShroom