My work is such a weird place,I get along with pretty much everyone but there are some CRAZY opinionated people out there. I won't go into some of the stuff that I don't agree with there but I just keep my head down and keep on working. I have a co-worker who I think likes me but is way too young for me anyways,and is in a relationship...??? Uh,oook??? Either that or they are scared of me like a few customers are who just openly judge people,I get along with most people and customers so it's whatever lucky I have a place to walk to at least...Update: So today when I was on my break I took out a container from the break room microwave,as I needed to hear my food,I was sitting down listening to music,the co-worker totally like freaked out because her container was out of the microwave,yep. common sense is starting to get lost in my workplace no doubt.....

Another rant incoming today...sorry guys....ill delete that later....
just now I was once again proven to have self centered friends... I was messaged by a friend how I was doing and I already suspected that she just asked to initiate conversation and wanted to either rant or get attention...when I started talking about my health issues and how annoyed I was by the system she just replied something generic like "yeah the health system sucks" an then proceeded to Change the topic and show me her new living room chairs...
Like wtf your friends health is just something to causally comment on just to proceed with something so trivial as new chairs?! Feels like my health was just placed in the same important level als new chairs. Thanks for worrying or providing mental support....like I did for her years when she was trapping herself in a toxic relationship.
Last time we met we also talked about how life was going for me for maybe 30 minutes and for 3h I had to listen to her new found lovers and adventures in that regard... sucks being a good listener because at some point that's all you become to your friends...the listener

Putting in genuine effort feels like wasted effort sometimes. It's like people have this standard of movie-like perfection that just doesn't exist naturally, or without proper communication.

I feel humiliated and depressed, and on top of that I feel like the bad guy for having those emotions.

I feel like I've put genuine thought and effort into making this person feel important. I've stuck by and listened; really, genuinely listened.

All of that just to be left waiting, without any kind of heads up, flowers and gifts in hand, all dressed up and wanting to make it a special day.

Only to be stood up and told that no man has ever or will ever put any kind of real effort.

Was it not enough effort? Or am I just not a man?

I let myself be vulnerable enough to want to build a relationship again.

Even if it wasn't meant as a direct attack, I still feel disrespected.

I had no foul intentions. And my feeling were true.

I'm still processing how to feel and respond.

Idk, I'm just ranting and venting here so I can get it out of my system.

I didn't think I'd feel this hurt.

But oh well, love finds a way.

With someone, at some point in my life. Maybe someone else.

I'm going to keep putting in that effort, but for someone who appreciates the little gestures as much as the grand gestures.

I have my friends, I have my dog, and I have myself.

The rest will work itself out when it's time I guess.

I'd like to thank that one caller on Saturday who couldn't spell my name or listen to me spell it for her; so she told me I'm pronouncing it wrong "because Americans always pronounce it wrong."

If it weren't for her not being American, I would have continued my 36th year on this planet thinking I was pronouncing my own name correctly. My life is changed, forever! If I had a relationship with my family, I'd let them know, too.