Haven't had a whole lot of free time this summer ,working, working on alot of music and working out everyday in the mornings ,family stuff, creating heavy heavy music and battle jackets. The concert i was supposed to attend ended up being a bust (see my previous post) the band who is from Maryland DROVE (didn't fly) the 13 hours to MN for the concert ,they got here around 10pm,we ll MN noise lays are 10pm so the concert got canceled and the band was literally RIGHT THERE ! to say the least im still getting over this as i take my music pretty seriously and this was going to be a show of a lifetime, instead of heading home straight away i stuck and and chatted with a few other people there and ended up staying downtown at the venue till like 1:00 in the morning just talking, made some new friends i would say, had some CRAZY dude jacked up on lots of something get in our faces while we were playing music on our phones, some dude was fighting invisible enemies while waiting for the light rail train, people screaming at each other ,the usual downtown MN for you there. overall though the night was not wasted and i'm looking forward to getting merch from the show as well as my next concert.. hopefully sooner than later.

"Don't let your mind bully your body"
I should engrave that onto my bathroom mirror...
my self view on so many aspects beside body image has been very bad lately because of depression and feeling abandoned by all my close friends ... like I'm not worth to be kept around. It has started to affect my body too...I'm starting to have ED behavioral patterns come back and starting to have some weird health issues... Now I need to run to the overcrowded doctors again. It's so much of a hassle to get appointments and don't miss outvon work. Where I have to outperform at the moment too bc I got a new boss and want a raise...

Imagine finding a man who focus on himself, only goes to work, homebody, has 3 close friends, is loyal, and has his priorities right.

My pen stopped working
Weird

"worker beees can leave; even drones can fly away,. ; the queen is their slave'` the fucks that supposed to mean???????????

hate screwing up at work.... 280€ out of my pocket for fucking mistake :X

I think depression has killed my spark...
Even though I am working through the things depressing me and starting to find closure. I feel like the fire within me is gone too. Snuffed to not even a spark. I'm not even looking forward to the big events that l love visiting so much. They are just there on the agenda. And I will go there because I know I will regret not going. But there is no enthusiasm about them right now. No anticipation nor excitement.
Idk if it is because I have been visiting that next upcoming event for over 10 years, or if it is because these were events I used to visit with friends but they don't come anymore...idk I just don't feel any excitement or anticipation and that's scary. Looking forward to these events used to cheer me up a lot..
I'm sorry to all the (very few) people wo love me for my bubbly enthusiasm, infectious excitement, and passionate personality...that fire is gone...

everytime i fuck up at work i blame it on the shop crackhead: everyday he is closer to gettign clean or hoemles

https://youtube.com/shorts/WZy7Rqs4UFA?si=jIlgdjHu2vk0mGo6

Me when my work week is in.