So much for the planned weekend with a buddy... Probably more of an afternoon playing therapist on site with a meal together instead of over the phone...

I'm neither sad or angry...
I'm just so disappointed.

Guess I just grab a cold-one and call it a day

Well it's time to tidy up the apartment again and check whether a 15-year-old friendship is still working this weekend

Sooooo much to do today and then there's exercise and errands to run after work
I just want weekend

With how busy I've been (much of that self-imposed), and how uncooperative the weather has been, tonight was only the second time I've grilled this year.

I made sure this one counted as a proper "reward" for a long day of yard work, and planning / preparation for Memorial Day weekend!

Took a couple hours off work so I can at least have like 18 hours of weekend instead of 12 :')

Kinda trying to relax and distract my currently really pessimistic head by tinkering a bit on some cosplays of mine.
However I'm kinda too stupid with my brush as I'm sure half the paint ends up on my body when I look at my arms atm.

If I keep this up, I'm going to accidentally cosplay that horrific purple mascot from MC-D :D

It was so clear once again; you're looking forward to a long weekend with the family, finally have the capacity to actively meet up with your social environment again after weeks (aka best conditions), only for something to come up again...

Now I have an extra long weekend just for myself again, although I was looking forward to going out with my family...

Maybe I'll just go out at the weekend anyway, even if it's just with myself

Somehow it has become hard for me to enjoy my socia shutdown alone time. Sometimes I just need to recharge my social batteries and shut myself in for a weekend doing things I enjoy alone like painting and sewing. And sometimes I need several weekends on a row.. But lately I often feel guilty doing this. Today too...Especially if others have asked if I wanna do something or join a get together. Even if they are understanding bc they are also introverted and get it. I feel like they just said it to be nice but are actually upset and think that I am selfish...
But a the same time I hate not having so much time for my hobbies anymore so I look forward to be able to spend an entire weekend on them. Is it selfish to prioritize this over social interactions? I have picked up all these hobbies in the past as way fix the loneliness I experienced for always being the odd one with very little friends. Now I love art more than people because it was always there for me when people weren't. I think thats why it makes me feel guilty now that there are people who want to spend time with me.
Lately I have been struggleing with this thought a lot...but I really need to recharge in order to not completely explode or break down.

Of course, it was only a matter of time before spiders started appearing in my apartment as the temperatures got warmer...
With my arachnophobia, it really sucks, especially as it's currently exactly the type of spider I react most severely to... And instead of me managing to catch them with the greatest of gritted teeth, they jump away and hide in my clothes in the closet in my bedroom...
Now I'm sitting barricaded on my sofa, "can't" go to sleep and facing the hardest phobia program (heavy breathing to itching all over my body).
It's going to be a really great night and I know that the weekend is completely ruined because of it...
Why do I have to have this severe extreme phobia? Can't it somehow be gentler and "better distributed"?

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