#RebeccaHeineman #Heineman #videogames #Videogame #programmer Sad news... https://www.engadget.com/gaming/interplay-co-founder-rebecca-heineman-dies-133000414.html

Happiness and good Fortune are like a golden sand flowing into an hourglass of life sometimes there are black grains representing the bad things that sometimes happen but for most they are tuning to gold once they reach the majority of gold. But for some people the sand has more black grains than most, and some of those tend to give their few golden grains to others to help them turn their black to gold, which often leave the givers with overpowering obsidian sand that often turns new gold to black. And if they ask others for just a speckle of gold in return to help Turing the black to gold, they often have to beg for it or end up turning the others sand black just by opening their their hourglass. I am certainly one of the latter people. My body and mind is filled with poisonous black sand and my tongue turns it into venom injecting it to others whenever reach for support or comfort. I have realized a very concerning pattern that gives me the worst anxiety right now. I'm poisoning the last golden grain of sand whenever I open my heart and don't swallow my feelings for once. I should finally stop trying and go back to being the quiet listener that gives her golden grains to others and fights against the black by herself. That will spare me from a lot of feelings of disappointment, and anxiety and guilt about upsetting others by voicing when I'm being upset or disappointed. I'll just suck it up and be too forgiving for my own good the sake of harmony. How sad is that? I have become scared of being upset because it upsets others and I feel guilty then. Can one be more of a peoplepleaser just to not end up all alone? Today was a terrible day on so many levels, not only was I still feeling upset, I was also anxious to the point of barely being able to breathe because I had I realized this destructive and poisonous pattern that always, really ALWAYS has been following when I open up and threatens the last good thing I have that is supposed to be an anchor right now. And on top of all, some actually supposedly good news came in from a friend but I can't be happy for them instead it really pulls me down because the topic reminds me of my health issues that are kinda related... And as I currently have no one to talk to because my tongue is venomous and I just ruin everone elses minds, I have to rant it out to strangers in the internet. Maybe the more creative writing approach I took in the beginning is at least somewhat enjoyable to read. It was kind inspired by this song... https://youtu.be/FK3TDHnD1_0?list=RDFK3TDHnD1_0

So I got talked to at work again,today. Because I said some stuff about my neighbors dog as well as a black metal artist I enjoy listening to,so i guss I can't even have freedom of speech at my own job.....sad. Might be switching departments but that probably won't help....have to see what happens,the first time was even more dumb...it was over the fact I had a colonoscopy appointment and people are asking about it,I kept on saying surgery because I get confused and info mixed up sometimes. So when I mentioned the correct reason I was met with extreme immature reactions,we'll see how much longer I'm at the Front End before switching departments.

Wow what a shitty End for a vacation. Successfully ruined another persons day again just by trying to open up and share my fears and emotions in hopes to clear my anxiety that I had since yesterday... But noo triggered somewhat of a fight and anxiety for the other side too. Aaaaaand thats why I usually bottle things up. When I talk about it I piss people off or make them sad and that worsens my anxiety. Even when I thought hard about how I say it and what I say, it always goes down the wrong pipe and ends with the worst outcome... Why do I even try again ana again it always ends in disappointment: either I'm a bad trigger or I'm as important as fucking chairs. After all im only good for listening not for talking about feelings. I just muck things up... I feel like such a human failure...

Not sure if this is genius or just sad.

https://youtu.be/KV7tGeza8Xo?si=iWn32bhemfthTu7P This song is so sad and trippy...but by god it makes me feel good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7WV_XsOoFo&t=650s America’s Ally or Enemy? The Hidden Story of Israel's Mossad

BREAKING NEWS: Now we have peace with the Jews and Muslims, the Mulims and the Muslims open fire at each other. Pakistan and Afganistan begin exchanging missles at each other leading to another war. In other news; there has been an 'accident' while a deligation on route to Egypt in reguards to the middle east peace talks. Intresting I wonder who did that, islamic actors, Mossad, or China. Place ya bets now!

President Trump and Erika Kirk, used the Charlie Kirk Memorial as a Political Publicity Stunt to score points and spread President Trump's message. Classless, and I didn't like that trophy wife using his (Charlie's) name as a way to 'Jump Start' her public career, and it will fail, due to how transparently obvious it was that the whole thing was staged and not genuine. The whole, cold, heartless, "I forgive the killer" will definitely not make her the overnight sensation that they think it will. Nothing screams 'Staged & Propaganda' like President Trump making it all about himself and his Regime than hugging the dead man's wife, which is sad. I do hope that Charlie Kirk gets a real, genuine Memorial that celebrates his life, without the needless pandering of his wife, trying to go vial for a public career and without Trump propagandizing it. There are some moments in life, where people shouldn't be self promoting and trying to make a name for themselves, and this was one of those moments: Politics and personal agendas shoulda been far from the stage, the only thing that should have been on stage, should have been: Respect for him, respect for his accomplishments.

Its about time these online forums answered for their turning a blind eye routines its just really sad it had to come to Charlie's passing to have this discussion https://www.reuters.com/world/us/us-house-panel-asks-online-forum-ceos-testify-after-charlie-kirk-assassination-2025-09-17/