(not sure if anyone reads this, but I think I just need a platform to shout out... not suited for everyone I guess btw..)
Living with Bipolar Disorder is just the worst... not sure if anyone else is dealing with this shit but the worst are those crashing episodes that you cannot foresee yourself.
Especially those Episodes where you just running internally mentally wild and the only thing you feel is just that anyone just want to betray and hurt you... even your closest ones.
In addition, when I'm in a breakdown, the ‘spectrum’ in me swings so hard that I literally become completely blind to communicative schemes and can no longer understand or interpret anything like indirect speech in any way (probably always the main reason why I try to withdraw from anyone).
In these phases, indirect language is as incomprehensible to me as a foreign language that I can't understand in any way. Unfortunately, very few people understand this because they are used to other ways of communicating with me.
I'm really not sure what triggered the current episode: the constant stress at work, the stress of being available for everyone and everything every second for the last few months, or my own realization and disappointment that I think I've made so many bad decisions in the past because of my good faith, which have destroyed paths I would have liked to take(career and study-wise).
However, I currently hate myself more than usual; not only for what I haven't achieved at the moment, but especially for the way I behave towards others uncontrollably during this phase.
I am unconsciously insulting and offending those who actually want the best for me.
I hide and deny the real causes until it is too late... (I'm such a coward)
I wish I would be fixable but I'm not I guess...

The worst thing is probably this post-episode in which you realize that not only the world itself is the problem, but that your own grievance towards others is also the problem in this world.
(No wonder why the S-rate is so high in this disorder circle, since most people can't find any other solution).

Maybe I just want someone to tell me directly and unhinged that they actual love me for what I am and that what I'm trying to achieve is enough

Unfortunately cooking is my love language and I like someone very much. So my kitchen and me look like this now, I have to deal with it, while also putting a last touches on a cosplay ..

#English #Europe #Greece #Croatia #Netherlands #Norway #language
https://www.euronews.com/travel/2024/11/18/netherlands-croatia-greece-where-its-easiest-to-speak-to-locals-if-youre-an-english-speake

Part 2 kinda I AM FIRE in different languages https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHcIfogQQ60

Smaug in different languages https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P5lOABMKSE

InfernalHate
#code #computer_language #BASIC

How languages sound to others https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_xUIDRxdmc

Dude! This is a cool sounding "supergroup" - The Defiant.

And here's their first single, "Dead Language"

"The Defiant are:

Pete Parada on drums (The Offspring), Greg Camp on guitar (Smash Mouth), Johnny Rioux on bass (Street Dogs), Joey La Rocca on guitar and keys (The Briggs), with Dicky Barrett front and center (The Mighty Mighty Bosstones). Together the five create a rock n roll pedigree that culminates into a riot of melodic punk.

Nothing kickstarts a conversation quite like a good song does. Rock ‘n’ roll customarily stirs up dialogue, provokes emotions and delivers a good time. The Defiant plans to continue this tradition with their distinctive combination of clever, quick-witted, thought-provoking lyrics and well-crafted punk rock songs."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ewzs9gfpmu8