#men
Men HAVE feelings...

I don't know if it used really different before or if it's just a feeling, but when I think about vacation I always make a list of all the things I want to do that I don't have time or capacity during the work weeks.

Now I'm finally on vacation and the first thing I think about is just sleeping.
Sleeping... and not waking up.

Putting in genuine effort feels like wasted effort sometimes. It's like people have this standard of movie-like perfection that just doesn't exist naturally, or without proper communication.

I feel humiliated and depressed, and on top of that I feel like the bad guy for having those emotions.

I feel like I've put genuine thought and effort into making this person feel important. I've stuck by and listened; really, genuinely listened.

All of that just to be left waiting, without any kind of heads up, flowers and gifts in hand, all dressed up and wanting to make it a special day.

Only to be stood up and told that no man has ever or will ever put any kind of real effort.

Was it not enough effort? Or am I just not a man?

I let myself be vulnerable enough to want to build a relationship again.

Even if it wasn't meant as a direct attack, I still feel disrespected.

I had no foul intentions. And my feeling were true.

I'm still processing how to feel and respond.

Idk, I'm just ranting and venting here so I can get it out of my system.

I didn't think I'd feel this hurt.

But oh well, love finds a way.

With someone, at some point in my life. Maybe someone else.

I'm going to keep putting in that effort, but for someone who appreciates the little gestures as much as the grand gestures.

I have my friends, I have my dog, and I have myself.

The rest will work itself out when it's time I guess.

Even though I'm only taking a few vacation days at the moment, I'm noticing that after a few weeks (if not months) I'm finally getting some rest.

It may sound strange, but I'm really happy that I'm able to sleep more than half of the day on average (without feeling bad) and without a stressed-out over-thinking mode keeping me awake.

https://youtu.be/_jUrW-8m9Ac?si=_J06r8fhdh2AuTG-

Really feeling the lyrics atm

You know you are talented when you hurt your own feelings lol.

FULL ALBUM- Teratophilia ( w / lyrics ) Jupiter’s Thunder - XZanthia

https://youtu.be/cQpyXEgX0tQ?si=grSlLynvb6bNIqae

XZanthia.com

1. Divine
2. Beast inside me
3. CUNTrol
4. Running with Scissors
5. came from the Void
6. I love the way you’re wired
7. My Dick
8. Strategy
9. Fan Boy
10. Down, Down, Down
11. I fucked the Reaper
12. Beauty’s Curse
13. Jellyfish Feelings

#hellpop
#creaturecosplay #monstercosplay #monstercore #creaturecore #dommymommy #creepygirl #creepycosplay #clowncore #creepyart #emo #gothchick #pastelgoth #goth #gothic

Trump and Biden met at the White House yesterday. Creepy Joe welcomed Trump back to the office and no hard feelings were had. The only complaint was by a reporter who said the room wreaked of Big Macs and Ben Gay.

Have you ever had that nagging sensation that you're out of place among the wrong people? Lately, I've struggled to find any opportunities at the place where I live. It feels like months have gone by with only empty promises from work, leaving me burnt out and unable to enjoy even the simplest pleasures.

I can't shake this profound loneliness I've experienced for weeks, and it's perplexing since I’m in a relationship. It's odd when you are being told that they are here for you and to try to respond to this as often as possible on the same level, even when your social battery is depleted, yet still feel so utterly isolated. The depths of my depression have made it hard to get out of bed for days, with tears flowing freely.

Am I misguided in my expectations of what a relationship should be? When I realize that a house is on fire, for example, and I hear some calls for help, I try to rescue this person from it if possible and don’t avoid it because it might be too “hot.” I believe in stepping into the flames to support those I love, to hold their hand as we navigate the chaos together. Yet, here I am, feeling like I’m trapped in my own burning house while my partner stands outside, unsure whether to come in or watch from a distance.

I’m left feeling so conflicted… I love my partner deeply, yet I also feel profoundly abandoned and overlooked. I want to believe that love can withstand these moments of despair, that we can face life’s struggles as a team. But the distance created by unspoken words and unmet expectations feels like an insurmountable wall between us.

I often wonder if I’m asking for too much—if my desire for connection is unreasonable in a world that often seems too chaotic to handle. Shouldn't a partner be a safe haven, a source of comfort during the storm? Or am I just searching for validation in all the wrong places?

The fear of losing that connection, of being vulnerable and showing my true self, holds me back. There are days I crave honesty, but what if that honesty exposes too much? What if it reveals the depths of my struggles, and in response, all I receive is pity instead of understanding?

Goth is the word, is the word that you heard
It's got groove, it's got meaning
Goth is the time, is the place, is the motion
Goth is the way we are feeling