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  • It seems a shadow of misfortune follows me. I've come to expect it: a fleeting moment of light is always chased away by a familiar storm, pulling me back under with brutal force.

    What truly unnerves me is the silence within. The emotional echo of these disasters has faded to nothing. I am a dry well—events that should summon a flood of tears now barely register. Is this resilience, or is it erosion? My psyche, to save itself, seems to have severed the wires, leaving me feeling like an spectator in my own tragicomedy, muttering, 'This can't be real.'

    I observe my life as through a thick, silent pane of glass. The impact is muted, the meaning distant. I am a curious stranger to my own apathy, asking, 'What happens when you simply have nothing left to feel?'

    Is this emptiness making me stronger, or is it the void before the collapse? I built these walls stone by stone for protection, but now they encircle me. They keep the world's anguish out. The question is no longer about weathering the storm, but whether I am fortified within a sanctuary, or entombed within a cell of my own making.
    It seems a shadow of misfortune follows me. I've come to expect it: a fleeting moment of light is always chased away by a familiar storm, pulling me back under with brutal force. What truly unnerves me is the silence within. The emotional echo of these disasters has faded to nothing. I am a dry well—events that should summon a flood of tears now barely register. Is this resilience, or is it erosion? My psyche, to save itself, seems to have severed the wires, leaving me feeling like an spectator in my own tragicomedy, muttering, 'This can't be real.' I observe my life as through a thick, silent pane of glass. The impact is muted, the meaning distant. I am a curious stranger to my own apathy, asking, 'What happens when you simply have nothing left to feel?' Is this emptiness making me stronger, or is it the void before the collapse? I built these walls stone by stone for protection, but now they encircle me. They keep the world's anguish out. The question is no longer about weathering the storm, but whether I am fortified within a sanctuary, or entombed within a cell of my own making.
    Goth Vibes
    2
    1 Commentarii 0 Distribuiri 1K Views
  • I think depression has killed my spark...
    Even though I am working through the things depressing me and starting to find closure. I feel like the fire within me is gone too. Snuffed to not even a spark. I'm not even looking forward to the big events that l love visiting so much. They are just there on the agenda. And I will go there because I know I will regret not going. But there is no enthusiasm about them right now. No anticipation nor excitement.
    Idk if it is because I have been visiting that next upcoming event for over 10 years, or if it is because these were events I used to visit with friends but they don't come anymore...idk I just don't feel any excitement or anticipation and that's scary. Looking forward to these events used to cheer me up a lot..
    I'm sorry to all the (very few) people wo love me for my bubbly enthusiasm, infectious excitement, and passionate personality...that fire is gone...
    I think depression has killed my spark... Even though I am working through the things depressing me and starting to find closure. I feel like the fire within me is gone too. Snuffed to not even a spark. I'm not even looking forward to the big events that l love visiting so much. They are just there on the agenda. And I will go there because I know I will regret not going. But there is no enthusiasm about them right now. No anticipation nor excitement. Idk if it is because I have been visiting that next upcoming event for over 10 years, or if it is because these were events I used to visit with friends but they don't come anymore...idk I just don't feel any excitement or anticipation and that's scary. Looking forward to these events used to cheer me up a lot.. I'm sorry to all the (very few) people wo love me for my bubbly enthusiasm, infectious excitement, and passionate personality...that fire is gone...
    Dark Love
    Goth Vibes
    4
    9 Commentarii 0 Distribuiri 2K Views
  • Kinda been feeling bled dry lately and currently fleeing myself into an endless loop of doomwatching some historical documentaries post work.

    I look at some upcoming events in my work and personal calendar that I've been looking forward to, and meanwhile I hear an inner voice whispering a quiet "why" to me....

    I think I should take a vacation and go away... Far, far away from people
    Kinda been feeling bled dry lately and currently fleeing myself into an endless loop of doomwatching some historical documentaries post work. I look at some upcoming events in my work and personal calendar that I've been looking forward to, and meanwhile I hear an inner voice whispering a quiet "why" to me.... I think I should take a vacation and go away... Far, far away from people
    Dark Love
    1
    0 Commentarii 0 Distribuiri 2K Views
  • Judging by recent events around the world I´m kinda debating with myself if I should start (slowly but firmly) storing canned food somewhere.
    Judging by recent events around the world I´m kinda debating with myself if I should start (slowly but firmly) storing canned food somewhere.
    Dark Love
    3
    12 Commentarii 0 Distribuiri 971 Views
  • Things are never easy and straight forward
    Theres always reasons behind reasons and causes of other causes

    Reasons why people have done things and then other reasons behind those reasons often stemming from an event or series of events

    Nothings ever straight forward
    Things are never easy and straight forward Theres always reasons behind reasons and causes of other causes Reasons why people have done things and then other reasons behind those reasons often stemming from an event or series of events Nothings ever straight forward
    Dark Love
    1
    0 Commentarii 0 Distribuiri 511 Views
  • #POTUS #White_House #elections #Biden #Axios #mental_health #mental_issues #President_Biden
    https://www.axios.com/2024/07/07/biden-staff-events-prepare
    #POTUS #White_House #elections #Biden #Axios #mental_health #mental_issues #President_Biden https://www.axios.com/2024/07/07/biden-staff-events-prepare
    WWW.AXIOS.COM
    Scoop: How Biden's event staffers guide him behind the scenes
    Some Democrats now wonder if the Biden team's focus on minute details were to obscure his limitations instead of merely being meticulous.
    0 Commentarii 0 Distribuiri 2K Views
  • So I Finally have a Sleepend (a weekend that is dedicated to sleep and relaxing without any social obligations and events) and guess what. These assholes from the construction site next door decided to put in some extra work on a saturday...I do sleep like the dead but a drill right into my bedroom wall wakes even this corpse....
    So I Finally have a Sleepend (a weekend that is dedicated to sleep and relaxing without any social obligations and events) and guess what. These assholes from the construction site next door decided to put in some extra work on a saturday...I do sleep like the dead but a drill right into my bedroom wall wakes even this corpse....
    I'm Dead
    2
    3 Commentarii 0 Distribuiri 2K Views
  • Tomorrow is a big cosplay event that I'm going to. But for some reason I am not as excited about it as usual, some things happened that kinda ruined the mood for me...
    Some of the friends that Im always looking forward to see on this event are not coming and I feel that this kinda took a huge part of the fun factor. On top of it this cosplay season is kinda jinxed for me in general. didn't get con tickets, some events were cancelled idk...all kills the mood. Hope next year will be better.
    Tomorrow is a big cosplay event that I'm going to. But for some reason I am not as excited about it as usual, some things happened that kinda ruined the mood for me... Some of the friends that Im always looking forward to see on this event are not coming and I feel that this kinda took a huge part of the fun factor. On top of it this cosplay season is kinda jinxed for me in general. didn't get con tickets, some events were cancelled idk...all kills the mood. Hope next year will be better.
    Dark Love
    2
    3 Commentarii 0 Distribuiri 2K Views
  • Heh.

    I am at this stage in my career where I think I could be a manager already considering all the skills I've acquired during the years YET for some reason, when I apply for those positions or when I work hard towards achieving that, I would just get pushed back.

    "Oh, Matti, we just don't feel like you're fit for this yet and you haven't proven yourself yet."

    Bitch, I'm capable enough to do 5 people work. What do you mean? I do your shitty training to climb up the ladder even and still get a no.
    The worst part is that I notice how bad at managing current managers are and I see flaws in the organisational part of things straight away. When I point out what is wrong or when I give suggestions, they just get ignored. Then, sometimes more work would be added just because I'm good at doing my job which is another low blow. Am I doing something wrong here or is the corporate culture itself that's so broken and prevents this from happening?

    Yeah, is it just me that feels like this or is anyone else struggling the same way?
    Yeah, my overthinking got to me again, it seems.
    Heh. I am at this stage in my career where I think I could be a manager already considering all the skills I've acquired during the years YET for some reason, when I apply for those positions or when I work hard towards achieving that, I would just get pushed back. "Oh, Matti, we just don't feel like you're fit for this yet and you haven't proven yourself yet." Bitch, I'm capable enough to do 5 people work. What do you mean? I do your shitty training to climb up the ladder even and still get a no. The worst part is that I notice how bad at managing current managers are and I see flaws in the organisational part of things straight away. When I point out what is wrong or when I give suggestions, they just get ignored. Then, sometimes more work would be added just because I'm good at doing my job which is another low blow. Am I doing something wrong here or is the corporate culture itself that's so broken and prevents this from happening? 😅 Yeah, is it just me that feels like this or is anyone else struggling the same way? 🙃 Yeah, my overthinking got to me again, it seems. 🤘
    Dark Love
    1
    1 Commentarii 0 Distribuiri 1K Views
  • Look for today's events. Apple picking, pumpkin patch and photoshoot.
    Look for today's events. Apple picking, pumpkin patch and photoshoot.
    Dark Love
    Goth Vibes
    10
    1 Commentarii 0 Distribuiri 1K Views
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