when love gets forced on me and its out of my controll i expect some backlash
thats crazy love

this is new territory for me
its retarded
this is retarded love

Control is way Gone

computer controlled, panoramic windows looking out across your soul

Lately I've been catching myself thinking about DJing again. I don't know why I took such a long break until now, probably because my primary platform (online veneue) died... Unfortunately

It's a shame really, because I've always received good feedback on my sets up to now.
In addition, I officially have a work-technical free ride, so I have a legal release even to intensify that and to operate as a basically second job ...

I think I'll get myself a new DJ controller (found a nice one which caught my eyes) and start DJing again :)

I love good old fashioned racism, men in white hoods, being called a kike, being told to go home, a beating now and then, how my people control the banks and media. It was brutal but it was honest racism.

These days we have coded langague, people claiming to be virtuous while secreatly being the biggest mini-hilters you'll ever meet, especially in private chatrooms, and behind closed doors. Hypocrites all of them.

The worse bit; I'm sure some of these people do not see how racist they are; many know and don't care, anything to push their aganda at the cost of people; heed my warning; you'll get cannibalized in the end by the very people you used to get to the top.

(not sure if anyone reads this, but I think I just need a platform to shout out... not suited for everyone I guess btw..)
Living with Bipolar Disorder is just the worst... not sure if anyone else is dealing with this shit but the worst are those crashing episodes that you cannot foresee yourself.
Especially those Episodes where you just running internally mentally wild and the only thing you feel is just that anyone just want to betray and hurt you... even your closest ones.
In addition, when I'm in a breakdown, the ‘spectrum’ in me swings so hard that I literally become completely blind to communicative schemes and can no longer understand or interpret anything like indirect speech in any way (probably always the main reason why I try to withdraw from anyone).
In these phases, indirect language is as incomprehensible to me as a foreign language that I can't understand in any way. Unfortunately, very few people understand this because they are used to other ways of communicating with me.
I'm really not sure what triggered the current episode: the constant stress at work, the stress of being available for everyone and everything every second for the last few months, or my own realization and disappointment that I think I've made so many bad decisions in the past because of my good faith, which have destroyed paths I would have liked to take(career and study-wise).
However, I currently hate myself more than usual; not only for what I haven't achieved at the moment, but especially for the way I behave towards others uncontrollably during this phase.
I am unconsciously insulting and offending those who actually want the best for me.
I hide and deny the real causes until it is too late... (I'm such a coward)
I wish I would be fixable but I'm not I guess...

The worst thing is probably this post-episode in which you realize that not only the world itself is the problem, but that your own grievance towards others is also the problem in this world.
(No wonder why the S-rate is so high in this disorder circle, since most people can't find any other solution).

Maybe I just want someone to tell me directly and unhinged that they actual love me for what I am and that what I'm trying to achieve is enough

The study also finds that listening to modern pop music causes brain damage and uncontrollable bowel movements in 100% of the cases.