Honestly thinking a lot recently of when I didn't have a phone / had a phone that could only make calls, text and had extremely limited use of the internet. 
I know I'm addicted to my phone, I know that I have a problem because my screen time is 10+ hours consistently. 

So I'm seriously thinking of doing a detox, buying a dumbphone and turning my phone off for a week. Then maybe it'll shock my system and I'll stop being so addicted. Maybe I'll switch between the two when I want to or feel I need to instead of being so stuck to my phone 24/7. 

I miss being on my laptop making meaningful connections, EmoWire was a huge part of that. I miss not feeling the need to be available all the time. I miss people not expecting me to reply immediately. It's exhausting to be social, it's exhausting to constantly be staring at a screen and feel like I can't move away from it. 

I need to learn how to be bored, how to be by myself for a bit, how to not have constant hits of dopamine at every second of every day. 

My boyfriend will be able to contact me, any friends will be given my number. If they want me they can call or text me. If they want to see me, it'll be more intentional instead of a general post on facebook and potentially bumping into each other. 

Hopefully I'll be able to have some decent phone calls with friends instead of the usual 4 messages a day because we're so exhausted and see every part of each others lives online. Hopefully not being able to see that will actually create conversation. 

Now I could dumbify my phone. I could delete all my socials, turn my phone to black and white so it isn't as fun to look at, turn off almost all my notifications so I don't have the vibrations causing me to look at it as much. But I know myself, I need to do something more drastic to shock my system into a change. Nothing will change if I keep my phone open. I need a phone that has limited features or I'll just reinstall them all. I don't have the willpower to stay away from the app store. But if my phone is turned off and put away, I'll be less likely to use my time to pick it back up. 

Maybe once I'm done with this, I'll be able to choose what I truly want access to on my phone so I don't return to bad habits. 

Now, why am I writing this on here? I hope some of you understand where I'm coming from and why I feel this way. Life is moving too quickly. The internet used to be way more fun and meaningful. Now it's full of AI and run by algorithms which can be good and bad. You never really see anything new unless you put in some pretty intense effort. 

I miss my first phone. I was 12, I had a few contacts. There was no touchscreen, no full keyboard, no plethora of apps and games to download. I want to get back to knowing myself and what I genuinely love to do without being consumed by quick dopamine hits. 

Not fully decided yet on which path I'm going to take to try and achieve this but I hope to find some support on this journey. Wish me luck c: