god if you love me why the fuck do you give me shit that burns worse than hell?

Why is there a pig in the grocery store??!!!!

Royal mail is a brilliant company; imagine buying a clock that has survived 120 years running without a break and then in two days royal mail breaks the thing. Such a lovley little clock, now needs repairs. Royal mail wonders why they have no support.

Lately I've been catching myself thinking about DJing again. I don't know why I took such a long break until now, probably because my primary platform (online veneue) died... Unfortunately

It's a shame really, because I've always received good feedback on my sets up to now.
In addition, I officially have a work-technical free ride, so I have a legal release even to intensify that and to operate as a basically second job ...

I think I'll get myself a new DJ controller (found a nice one which caught my eyes) and start DJing again :)

Why not ?

(not sure if anyone reads this, but I think I just need a platform to shout out... not suited for everyone I guess btw..)
Living with Bipolar Disorder is just the worst... not sure if anyone else is dealing with this shit but the worst are those crashing episodes that you cannot foresee yourself.
Especially those Episodes where you just running internally mentally wild and the only thing you feel is just that anyone just want to betray and hurt you... even your closest ones.
In addition, when I'm in a breakdown, the ‘spectrum’ in me swings so hard that I literally become completely blind to communicative schemes and can no longer understand or interpret anything like indirect speech in any way (probably always the main reason why I try to withdraw from anyone).
In these phases, indirect language is as incomprehensible to me as a foreign language that I can't understand in any way. Unfortunately, very few people understand this because they are used to other ways of communicating with me.
I'm really not sure what triggered the current episode: the constant stress at work, the stress of being available for everyone and everything every second for the last few months, or my own realization and disappointment that I think I've made so many bad decisions in the past because of my good faith, which have destroyed paths I would have liked to take(career and study-wise).
However, I currently hate myself more than usual; not only for what I haven't achieved at the moment, but especially for the way I behave towards others uncontrollably during this phase.
I am unconsciously insulting and offending those who actually want the best for me.
I hide and deny the real causes until it is too late... (I'm such a coward)
I wish I would be fixable but I'm not I guess...

The worst thing is probably this post-episode in which you realize that not only the world itself is the problem, but that your own grievance towards others is also the problem in this world.
(No wonder why the S-rate is so high in this disorder circle, since most people can't find any other solution).

Maybe I just want someone to tell me directly and unhinged that they actual love me for what I am and that what I'm trying to achieve is enough

"click here to verify the email address associated with your account" why? so the trolls can murder me easier ??

I don’t watch the View, as you can see why. But thankfully I have X/Twitter so I don’t need to watch them.
https://x.com/katee_K1/status/1935620270888493247