Nothing is worse for a highly intelligent and gifted person to be under-challenged and underwhelmed....

Today, I came home from work crying because I realised how underchallenged and boring my work currently is. My expertise is currently not being used because customer projects come in slow and don't get to the downstream processing/purification part (I'm a specialist for protein pruification). I don't get many other opportunities to show my skills and knowledge and only do some minor backup tasks like writing working instructions...Nothing about my work currenly feels rewaring and chellengeing. I am a scientist, I love the try and error and the challenge! I thrive in that. I literally work best with stress and being overloaded with work than with being underwhelmed...
On top of it I'm gettin really bad imposter syndrome because of not being able to show my expertise while my colleagues currenlty thrive and get ever opportunity to show their knowledge and expert fields. We got a new teamlead in march and so far I feel like I could not show off/prove my skille and knowledge to him while the others could. I feel like I'm standing in the shadows sometimes even being actively pushed back into them. Like a tool put in a shelf not neede for now collecting dust.
It's incredibly frustrating and deressing for me because I am a scientist by heart I love my profession...

Now my overthinking brain gets even to the point where I'm asking myself if they are boring me out on purpose, so I leave the company on my own accord and they don't have to fire me, because they can't without a reason....
I'm more and more thinking of actually looking for a different posititon... Maybe I'll apply for a pHD after all...

Finding beauty in the grotesque, love in the shadows. #teratophilia
XZanthia .com
#hellpop #creaturecosplay #monstercosplay #monstercore #creaturecore #dommymommy #creepygirl #creepycosplay #clowncore #creepyart #emo #gothchick #pastelgoth #goth #gothic

There are shadows in the world,
Burning bright as day,
There is darkness that we seek,
Though others say we'll pay.
I do not have to look like you,
I can be my own,
Your fear of me is weakness,
Your weakness than is shown.
The light it shows the darkness,
The darkness shows the light,
We can live in harmony,
We don't have to choose to fight.
You can just be you,
I can just be me,
In a world that's full of labels,
Simply be.

I find myself in music, not in mirrors. We are characters in the stories of our minds rewriting the dialogues our souls scream into the universe. We are the heroes and the villians, the damsels in distress and the ones looking to be saved or save others. We are the ones who find warmth in the shadows and longing in the dark seeking comfort in the moments that confound us and swoop us up. We bear scars seen and unseen on our bodies or within our souls and hearts. We at the end of the day though despite the darkness in which we prefer our comfort are survivors. In that I am very proud of EACH of you.

Out of all of the characters from our favorite show, "What We Do In The Shadows" , who is your favorite? #WhatWeDointheShadows #vampire #nadjacravensworth #vampires #nandor #lazslocravensworth #theguide #guillermo

#darkness #shadows #sketch

What now. Wait and see how long this silence lasts? Ask?
If don't want to be an obligation. A chore to be remembered like feeding the cat.

I don't want to be that kind of person that comes off as needy or gets upset when not given attention.
I get that sometimes life gets to busy. I get having complete shutdowns not wanting to talk at all. I get the out of sight out of mind thing. I have that too.
Yet it doesn't make it hurt less.

Guess that will always be my problem. I never speak up, afraid to be a bother to the ones I care about. Become just an annoying obligation. Thus, I vanish in the shadows. Forgotten. Nothing but a ghost