My coworker said to me today. With the way you dress i cant tell if you're gothic or gay. I was like why cant it be both?

Gotta be up for work in 3 hours, and cant sleep. I hate this

I finally finished building the board, it wasn't easy, normal coolers wont work so I had to take off the cooler screws and retention springs and fitted the cooler ring screws instead. Not an easy feet but once you get the two screws seated ithe cooler is secure. Using a Xeon you need a beefy cooler and the ones you get on ebay and amazon are shit they don't secure down, nor can they keep the CPU cool. So I had to nigga-rig it to work!

My brother graduates from police academy tomorrow. Took off work for it and saturday for his party we're throwing. Also off sunday and monday. 4 day mini staycation baby.

I'm at the verge of crying every day...Wednesdays and Thursdays are always the hardest work days for me currently. I practically have to drag myself to work everyday and it's hardest on these days.
Next Monday I have a 1:1 with my boss...I hope I can address the issues. Although I would prefer to talk to another person First to get their opinion before taking to my boss. I think that would be more strategic but I will not have a meeting with them until next Wednesday. And I don't think I can wait this long...the longer leave this unresolved the more anxiety I'm developing about this. It's such a dilemma: be strategic and tall to the righ person first, but deal with my fears and anxiety a week longer or just talk to my boss directly without having that other insight. I feel so burdened by it. And no one can really help me except those 2 supervisors. So I have to carry this until they have one for me.
I can barely focus on the little work I do have and that makes my anxiety even worse because I feel even more useless and like I'm not performing well that makes and my fears that they are planning to let me go even worse...

Another day of endless boredom at work. Being underwhelmed/underchallenged and having condescending colleagues is an awful combination. I'm developing the worst imposter syndrome and start believing that I am on the sidelines because I'm useless. I want least Year back I'd rather have the stress and project burden because that at least feels productive and successful.
I'm really work depressed lately. I'm seriously considering of looking for a new job...maybe do phD after all maybe that's the sign I was waiting for.

Do you know that feeling when, after a good time, the world comes crashing down even harder than expected?
I wish it were just the blues after one of the best times I've ever had, but somehow the shit just keeps piling up every day.

Not only do I have a lot of work to do, but I also have to compensate for three people, and instead of support, I only get statements that downplay the actual workload, and I just end up angry, exhausted, and “done” with my job.

On top of that, there is a current family disaster that I am currently unable to deal with mentally, so I am completely withdrawing.
Unfortunately, it is so severe that it completely paralyzes me.
I want to be there for my family, but I can't.
My head is screaming to escape, but I don't know where to go anymore.
With every breath I take, it feels as if the air is made of lead.

More music in the works,honoring to be creating a new song later this week when I have the time. Been working on some art stuff as well between trips to to the clinic. I finally got results back,and they are negative. Looking forward to starting sewing up again soon and working on my new jacket.