Regardless of your opinion on Operation Epic Fury or your political affiliation, we have the greatest military in the world. Its strength lies not just in power, but in the courage, discipline, and sacrifice of our troops. God bless our men and women in uniform.

i can experience their entire lives in the blink of an eye
anyway i like
underlining tragedy
simplifying gravity
recast their roles
learn their mistakes
im awake
unaware
and i dont care
fooled once
fooling myself
fooling forever
caved bathed and payed
you give my purpose meaning
i give your meaning purpose
we live out the rest

The culture war is this country is beyond comical. The internet has given every neurotic blowhard a platform to feign outrage and it's not healthy. Life is short and hopefully many people will find wasting time on things with no real importance other than to divide and control us isn't worth the effort.

I just had a meltdown in the lab...because I'm burned and spent by this shit. This company has burned me completely and I'm just a walking pile of ash. Every passing day I wish more and more that I was one of the people that were layed off or that I would have an accident break and ankle or so and get a sick leave for a few weeks. Just to catch a breath and be an unexpected gap on the personal.
It's not the stress that's getting me I actually don't think the workload is overwhelming at the moment it's average and manageable. It's the lack of pay and appreciation that bothers me. I came on Saturdays I came on Sundays gave 110% to make them see that I am worth getting the same pay as the others and instead I get a warm sweaty handshake and a chocolate I can't even eat.
And I'm still trying to give a 110 percent that I don't even have in me anymore why because of revenge because I want it to hurt heavily when I leave and I want to see them in false security about my loyalty. But I'm not even sure that's worth it...
At this point I just wish for a new job opportunity and hope the company goes bankrupt so that I can get social support. I wouldn't get that for a few months if I resigned without a new job.

I'm sinking more and more into one of my sleep escapism-depressions again. Everything is so discouraging and seems so hopeless....

I can barely get myself to leave the bed lately. I lack any motivation and elan to do anything.
Perpetually trapped in task paralysis.

On workdays I push myself to still give 110% despite constantly asking "what am I doing it for its not like it's fruitful for me". Work drains me so much I can't find the energy to look for new jobs after hours.
And on Weekends I am still drained and barely drag myself out of bed after sleeping for 12hr, then I end up on the couch staring into my phone screen doomscrolling, because I can't get myself to sit on my PC and look for job offers because I know there are barely any that are suitable for me. But pursuing my hobbies makes me feel guilty because "I should spend this time on looking for jobs".
So I just sit there on the couch trapped by invisible chains of guilt and discourage while I'm hoping for the unlikely miracle that a Recruiter will find my job profile and it's the perfect match for both sides. And that the world politics wills suddenly be bearable again. But with the current leaders pfft finding the Amber-room again is more likely than having a secure and happy future.
Thats why I keep asking myself: What future am even doing it for?

This is so discourageing! Of all the job offers that I can find none are Jobs that I would actually wanna take if I actually did get the offer, because all require commuting over an hour or moving to I city that I would never wanna live in. This is just downright depressing! In the past 3 weeks I have not even seen one offer that was in my current location or even close by. I just want a new job not an entire life re-orientation!

It is just so sad that we live in such a career-driven double standard society where it is totally normalized that as a young person, you HAVE to be ready give up your ENTIRE LIFE and the place you picked to be your home ANYTIME to find a new job. But on the same time you are expected to be ready to settle and have a family from 30 onwards. And with a family you are often still required to move your entire family to a new place for a new job and it's totally normalized!

And overall economy is just shit and the field I work in is not doing well despite the fact that it was flourishing during the pandemic.

I blame everything on Merz at this point because I need a scapegoat to vent my anger!

The antidote for brain rot is books.
The antidote for brain rot is books.

Read books. Encourage your friends and families to read.
Read to learn. Read to satisfy curiosity. Read to understand the world. Read to spark creativity and imagination. Read to improve communication. Read to enhance empathy. Read just for fun. But read.

Hmm either the company I work for has just given me some incredible leverage to practially demand a raise or the whole thing has a big catch and they hope that I am to gullible to see it.

They recently laid off 20 % of the employees becasue of funding problems. Unfortunateley they also fired the person who was appointed officer for biological safetey... Now they desperateley need another employee to become that. But there is only a handfull of people who can thake the position as it has special requirements. Most suitable people don't want it because it is a hassle. I am amongst those few suited ones and they just asked me yesterday if I were interested in getting that extra qualification.
TBH I don't really want the hassle that comes with it and I am planning to leave the company as soon as I find a better job anyway. But the qualification will look very hot on my resume...
I have been fighting for a wage increase. Since I know they are desparate, I could practically bribe them into giving me a BIG fat raise or I will just not do it.
What do I have to loose? They can only say no then I'll also say no too. So what? It is a voluntary extra position, they cannot fire me for declining the responsibility. For me, things will stay same and they'll still have no one to be Biological safetey officer. Their probelm.

But I am not trusting them anymore so I kinda smell a rat (not the cute cuddly kind that smells like love and popcorn)...what could it be???
Will I have to give up my project lead position? Is it a degradation in disguise? WHAt could be the catch???
Time to do some research....

Of Dostoyevsky’s four major novels, Demons is perhaps the least well known — though seems most pertinent to our strange times. A dark social and political satire, psychological drama and vast human tragedy, it’s pretty astonishing. A different translation utilizing a different “take” on the title, Devils.