Wow what a shitty End for a vacation. Successfully ruined another persons day again just by trying to open up and share my fears and emotions in hopes to clear my anxiety that I had since yesterday... But noo triggered somewhat of a fight and anxiety for the other side too. Aaaaaand thats why I usually bottle things up. When I talk about it I piss people off or make them sad and that worsens my anxiety. Even when I thought hard about how I say it and what I say, it always goes down the wrong pipe and ends with the worst outcome... Why do I even try again ana again it always ends in disappointment: either I'm a bad trigger or I'm as important as fucking chairs. After all im only good for listening not for talking about feelings. I just muck things up... I feel like such a human failure...

In shadows deep, where darkness dwells, Cruelty smiles, negativity tells. Demons trail, a haunting plight, Trying to halt my inner light. Everywhere, their presence sneers, In screens and faces, fueling fears. Monsters lurk, in corners creep, Laughing softly, beneath my sleep. Yet, I fight, with courage bright, Seeking solace, in endless night. I call to God, with fervent plea, Chase them back to hell, and set me free. A God-fearing soul, I yearn to find, Peace in heart, and peace in mind.

So this is too funny...I wake up around 6 to work out,slept in today. I was listening to this album and the creepy awsome into started playing,a wolf howls in the distance and my neighbors dumb dog is all "W00f ! W00f ! W0000f!" It fears the darkness !!!! Guess I know what songs I'm adding to my playlist,here is the album for all you cool cats. Astarte-Doomed Dark Years (2017) Black Metal. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O1fNcFBrTO4&list=RDO1fNcFBrTO4&start_radio=1&t=2289s&pp=ygUHYXN0YXJ0ZaAHAQ%3D%3D

I'm at the verge of crying every day...Wednesdays and Thursdays are always the hardest work days for me currently. I practically have to drag myself to work everyday and it's hardest on these days. Next Monday I have a 1:1 with my boss...I hope I can address the issues. Although I would prefer to talk to another person First to get their opinion before taking to my boss. I think that would be more strategic but I will not have a meeting with them until next Wednesday. And I don't think I can wait this long...the longer leave this unresolved the more anxiety I'm developing about this. It's such a dilemma: be strategic and tall to the righ person first, but deal with my fears and anxiety a week longer or just talk to my boss directly without having that other insight. I feel so burdened by it. And no one can really help me except those 2 supervisors. So I have to carry this until they have one for me. I can barely focus on the little work I do have and that makes my anxiety even worse because I feel even more useless and like I'm not performing well that makes and my fears that they are planning to let me go even worse...

Will A.I. affect your job or career? Is Universal Income a real fear? Is it time to buy goats and chickens yet?

The Pulse That Outlives Me Since I was small, my hands have itched for the weight of something new, the warm breath of an idea still wet from birth. While others chased nights strung with music and lights, I chased the hum beneath my ribs— that low, holy vibration that says: Make. Make. Make. I am not afraid of death— only of silence, of the stillness that comes when the last word dries, when the last color fades from my palette. Some people fear missing the party. I fear missing the next perfect shiver of creation, the one that seizes my spine like lightning, the one that says: Here. This is yours. Make it real before it slips away forever. Even as a child, I knew my bones would be dust one day. But a poem— a song, a shadow on film, a brushstroke on canvas— that could outlive me. That could keep my voice whispering in the ears of strangers long after my name is forgotten. So I make. I bleed ink. I sweat pigment. I dream in shapes and sounds. Every piece is a fragment of the monument I am building to outlast my pulse. And when I am gone, let them find my works scattered like constellations— each one a flare I sent into the dark, each one still burning, still warm, still breathing my name. https://www.blogger.com/u/7/blog/post/edit/7919007891465025240/49843031849199149

Embrace the Storm I wrote a poem, which will become a future song, about my 15year partner PJ ♥️⬇️♥️ Embrace the Storm by XZanthia He doesn’t flinch when the lightning hits. He never asked me to dim. He just stood still while the sky cracked open and smiled like it was beautiful. He saw the fire in my chest and didn’t reach for water. He knew I wasn’t dangerous I was divine. He don’t compete, he completes He don’t crumble when the current heats While boys bail out, he’s building rafts While others fear, he laughs at collapse I shook the room, he didn’t blink I roared in rage, he made me think He knows how to hold without holding me back and that’s how you carry a queen’s heart intact To walk beside a powerful woman you don’t need chains you need courage Not armor, but honor Not silence, but space He never caged the lioness He never named me “too much” He simply looked and let me be until I let him see everything Powerful presence, patient, precise Protecting peace without a price Fire-fed, focused, feeling full He’s not afraid, I’m never dull He’s got thunder in his spine Steel in his silence Grace in his gaze and no trace of violence HE NEVER RAN FROM MY RAGE! HE NEVER NEEDED ME SMALL! HE HELD MY CHAOS IN HIS HANDS AND NEVER DROPPED ME AT ALL! Other men feared me He faced me Other men chased me He stayed When I shattered, he sharpened me When I wept, he witnessed me He didn’t want to fix the fire He wanted to feel it with me And maybe you think this song’s about you… Maybe you wish it could be But only a rare one gets written into fire like this. Real ones rise when her voice shakes the walls Real ones don’t shrink when the goddess calls If she’s the storm, he’s the ground beneath Still. Sure. Strong in belief. This ain’t fiction, it’s a fact You want a queen? Learn how to act Not to conquer, not to own But to honor her like a throne HE NEVER ASKED ME TO SHUT UP! NEVER ASKED ME TO SHRINK! HE TOOK MY FIRE AND FED IT!! I am the flame And he holds me I am the howl And he hears me I am the storm But he never tried to stop the rain He just stood With open hands And loves me without fear.

#sea #oceans #videogames #Videogame #maritime https://hardcoregamer.com/scary-games-that-will-make-you-fear-the-sea/

#Deepest_Fear #FPS #horror #horrorgame #videogames #Videogame #retrofuturistic https://www.dsogaming.com/videotrailer-news/sci-fi-horror-fps-with-a-retro-future-aesthetic-deepest-fear-gets-new-gameplay-trailer/

People who fear Covid in 2025 and wear masks all day have a mental illness, Your not protecting yourself from Covid, the Virus stopped killing people start of 2022 with omicron variant, Sorry you have a mental illness that's all it is please sort yourself out!