I will not force myself to go to bed.

I'm at the verge of crying every day...Wednesdays and Thursdays are always the hardest work days for me currently. I practically have to drag myself to work everyday and it's hardest on these days.
Next Monday I have a 1:1 with my boss...I hope I can address the issues. Although I would prefer to talk to another person First to get their opinion before taking to my boss. I think that would be more strategic but I will not have a meeting with them until next Wednesday. And I don't think I can wait this long...the longer leave this unresolved the more anxiety I'm developing about this. It's such a dilemma: be strategic and tall to the righ person first, but deal with my fears and anxiety a week longer or just talk to my boss directly without having that other insight. I feel so burdened by it. And no one can really help me except those 2 supervisors. So I have to carry this until they have one for me.
I can barely focus on the little work I do have and that makes my anxiety even worse because I feel even more useless and like I'm not performing well that makes and my fears that they are planning to let me go even worse...

just talking by myself

i dont offer explanation and i dont ask for it

unless i need you to explain you to yourself

You ever think that the people you hang out with says a lot about oneself?

IDAHO
Starting: 1/1/2026
Restricts: Restricts purchase of soda and candy.

https://healthandwelfare.idaho.gov/news/usda-approves-idahos-request-remove-sugary-drinks-and-candy-snap?fbclid=IwY2xjawMXXjdleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETFRRDBkUG1xWVNnUFhoYXVXAR78E8lsOHiijVew1IVjjmIJjufRC5jn1qZJ4axDsa0zETBv011HNhuvbbhFxg_aem_AYmSSz1W6HHJkfMYD7bYlA

Nothing is worse for a highly intelligent and gifted person to be under-challenged and underwhelmed....

Today, I came home from work crying because I realised how underchallenged and boring my work currently is. My expertise is currently not being used because customer projects come in slow and don't get to the downstream processing/purification part (I'm a specialist for protein pruification). I don't get many other opportunities to show my skills and knowledge and only do some minor backup tasks like writing working instructions...Nothing about my work currenly feels rewaring and chellengeing. I am a scientist, I love the try and error and the challenge! I thrive in that. I literally work best with stress and being overloaded with work than with being underwhelmed...
On top of it I'm gettin really bad imposter syndrome because of not being able to show my expertise while my colleagues currenlty thrive and get ever opportunity to show their knowledge and expert fields. We got a new teamlead in march and so far I feel like I could not show off/prove my skille and knowledge to him while the others could. I feel like I'm standing in the shadows sometimes even being actively pushed back into them. Like a tool put in a shelf not neede for now collecting dust.
It's incredibly frustrating and deressing for me because I am a scientist by heart I love my profession...

Now my overthinking brain gets even to the point where I'm asking myself if they are boring me out on purpose, so I leave the company on my own accord and they don't have to fire me, because they can't without a reason....
I'm more and more thinking of actually looking for a different posititon... Maybe I'll apply for a pHD after all...