Goth is becoming more popular than it has ever been. Take for example The Cure cover "The Perfect Girl" that has by total over billion streams. Of course a lot of it has to do with universal feeling of melancholy, spread through TikTok.

Just noticed that even TWIX uses Belarusian postpunk song that quotes Russian poet's words about institutionalized life, where death feels more cozy than life - but there's a desperate longing to face life directly, to cry, and to keep living rather than disappear.

Btw, this Twix commercial got banned in Britain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7lBA5aX-iI

While TikTok follows trends - and I'm quite surprised to see something as underground as Radio Werewolf being played by teenagers & young adults - there's also people like a clothing market in St. Petersburg (Russia), named Kissa Market (Kissa means Cat in Finnish) that isn't just a company but a whole philosophy and a collective answer to life's struggles. These photos market their own brand of clothing, and their shop in the "ruins of empires".

You know that feeling of being scared to be happy even for a brief moment? Because that sensation when your happy little world crashes down and wrenches your entire gut and closes your thoat is the worst. And the bad always seems to come smashing down when you've just started floating again. So you avoid the crash by any cost. just not allowing youself to float up with happiness again. If everything remains in shambles maybe the bad won't come because ther is nothing left to shatter...
But sometimes you are dumb and faint glitter of hope makes you think maybe I'll try floating again maybe this time it won't crash. But it will.
Just one call and a nice and relaxed weekend that finally cheered me up a bit, became the start of probably the most difficult time I'll have to face...
I'm trueley terrified of whats ahead...

Perhaps there are others here who also work in the IT sector and/or have strong connections to the topic:

Currently, I am finding it increasingly difficult to continue working in my field, but in general and not explicitly related to my workplace.
Professionally, I deal with the topic of AI on a daily basis, but also to such an extent that issues such as professional recognition and even promotions depend on excessive use.
AI undoubtedly has its (sometimes really good) uses. Nevertheless, the ethics of its application on the current global scale seem extremely difficult to me.
So difficult that I don't know if I want to remain in this profession with a clear conscience, because I am no longer an IT consultant or developer, but rather feel like an AI coordinator whose job it is to mediate cleanly between humans and machines.
I am currently observing how jobs are increasingly being outsourced to AI. Either actively, by no longer advertising the positions, or passively, by dismissing everything that can be replaced via personnel interviews with seemingly flimsy justifications (you can always find a way to get rid of someone Unwanted).
And global experience shows how wonderful this outsourcing of work is: work becomes less valuable, company owners pocket the dividends, and the social divide grows ever wider.

I chose this profession to solve problems and help people, to specialize in consulting and service, to actively help people, to identify challenges that I am familiar with, and to support them. Even when the day was long and difficult, I could go home with a clear conscience. Because when the problem was solved, my customers were grateful and happy—and so was I, because I was able to help someone.
Today, I have become part of the problem. I no longer help to support people, but to replace them—and I am just waiting to be replaced myself.
I used to have the desire to continue my education in my field, to live my life and to learn. Now I no longer know why I should.

The future and the existence I had once envisioned, the “healthy world,” are no longer there.
And in the evenings, when darkness descends, I can hardly sleep. With my eyes closed, I lie awake, feeling paralyzed, as if my thoughts are constantly running into a wall. I don't dare talk about it with those around me because I only see myself as a burden on the world. I think no one needs my problems—everyone is struggling with their own, and I am just another burden, another eyesore in an already fragile world.
How can I still represent the hope and confidence of a world that is dying, when I am a correspondent of its murder?

Another day wasted by sleeping too long and then forcing myself to do chores like groceries...
I sat down to look at job offerings to at least do something useful instead of staring at my phone. Just to find that the only job offer that I had my hopes on is expired. They probably filled the position and didn't even read my application anymore. All other things I find are not in my expertise and also not in my local vicinity....
This disappointment was the last thing I needed right now. I was already in the ditch feeling burned out, abandoned and left alone with my problems. People are just too busy to care. Now I can put hopelessness right next to it on my depression Bingo card...
What an awesome start this year. And with the current political situation it will only get worse. Shit time to be alive our future is as rosy as a dumpster. I'm loosing any desire to see it.

Urghh this suuucccks!!
All day I was actually looking forward to m daily workout session because I found a cool Pilates flow im really curious to try. Guess what halfway through the workday my body said fucketh they and gave me the worst stomach cramps for no reason. Guess I'll take a long walk instead....
Although feeling sick is a good reason to rest my orthorexia demon HATES skipping why is my brain broken like this?!

Finally feeling better after being really sick since new year's eve!

My aunt told me that #christmas is not a holiday but a feeling. Honestly I feel the same, about Halloween instead. I would start celebrating All Hallow's Eve in August, yet I can't do anything Christmas-y until Black Friday.

I'm on the verge of crying. I'm literally panicking. Another health issue came up that needs immediate medical procedure. This that gives me the worst anxiety on multiple levels...if I'm unlucky it will not only make me really ugly and I struggle with dismorphia, but also also what I fear most, it will delay my treatment yet again... possibly for several weeks. I finally got a fixed appointment for getting the blood drawn for testing first thing but now I fear the new issue can't wait and needs to be fixed immediately there is akute pain....they probably can't test my blood if there is residual narcotics and painkillers on my system....
Like my anxiety was not already bad since yesterday for other reasons. Now this...I'm really panicking right now. Why is it all breaking at once??

Ok I need to breathe and wait se how bad the pain gets today prepare for being incapacitated by meds while I still can and if I get worse I go to the doctor tomorrow first thing. Good thing I live right next door. Maybe it just got painful because I was feeling the swelling I know I shouldn't drag it out and fix acute things immediately. But the following issues of delayed treatment will be detrimental too possibly reshaping my future entirely.

Happiness and good Fortune are like a golden sand flowing into an hourglass of life sometimes there are black grains representing the bad things that sometimes happen but for most they are tuning to gold once they reach the majority of gold.
But for some people the sand has more black grains than most, and some of those tend to give their few golden grains to others to help them turn their black to gold, which often leave the givers with overpowering obsidian sand that often turns new gold to black. And if they ask others for just a speckle of gold in return to help Turing the black to gold, they often have to beg for it or end up turning the others sand black just by opening their their hourglass.

I am certainly one of the latter people. My body and mind is filled with poisonous black sand and my tongue turns it into venom injecting it to others whenever reach for support or comfort.
I have realized a very concerning pattern that gives me the worst anxiety right now. I'm poisoning the last golden grain of sand whenever I open my heart and don't swallow my feelings for once.
I should finally stop trying and go back to being the quiet listener that gives her golden grains to others and fights against the black by herself. That will spare me from a lot of feelings of disappointment, and anxiety and guilt about upsetting others by voicing when I'm being upset or disappointed. I'll just suck it up and be too forgiving for my own good the sake of harmony.
How sad is that? I have become scared of being upset because it upsets others and I feel guilty then. Can one be more of a peoplepleaser just to not end up all alone?

Today was a terrible day on so many levels, not only was I still feeling upset, I was also anxious to the point of barely being able to breathe because I had I realized this destructive and poisonous pattern that always, really ALWAYS has been following when I open up and threatens the last good thing I have that is supposed to be an anchor right now.
And on top of all, some actually supposedly good news came in from a friend but I can't be happy for them instead it really pulls me down because the topic reminds me of my health issues that are kinda related...
And as I currently have no one to talk to because my tongue is venomous and I just ruin everone elses minds, I have to rant it out to strangers in the internet. Maybe the more creative writing approach I took in the beginning is at least somewhat enjoyable to read. It was kind inspired by this song...
https://youtu.be/FK3TDHnD1_0?list=RDFK3TDHnD1_0

Phew, I'm exhausted...
I'm still feeling the after-effects of rearranging and tidying up my apartment, and today felt like the longest Monday in months...;
I started very early and worked the maximum amount of overtime allowed, then quickly ran to the post office at the last minute to take care of some private stuff (because digitization is a foreign concept in my country) and helped my neighbors with some minor IT issues (but that's okay, they're friendly and lovely people and I'm happy to help them).
Now the last mission of the day is not to fall into bed too early, even though my pillow is winking at me really seductively :D