Waiting for the doctors to return so I can finally get on with fixing my health drives me crazy. There is a lot of anxiety and what ifs connected to it and I just want answers...this uncertainty and not being able to move forward with treatment because outside factors control timelines is so incredibly frustrating. I feel that every passing day is lost time in this regard.
And since nobody in my social circal seems to care enough to listen to me when I try talking about it and just turn to dumping their shit and their problems on me as soon as we mention health or mental health, I need to vent it out here into the void.

"sometimes we reduce communication from the people we love not because we hate them, but because we feel like we are nothing to them"

I wonder when they'll notice the read but silence. An what they will do then? Will ithey be asking if I'm ok or will it be just about demanding me to answer/react to their problems/messages...I kinda expect the latter by now. And it's so sad that I already expect the worst from my friends...

"Once the rain is over, an umbrella becomes a burden to carry. - That's why loyalty ends when benefits stop."

Yeah...
I'm experiencing that a lot. As soon as their problems are solved or they have dumped their emotional burden on me there is suddenly no time to listen to my troubles...as soon as I start sharing I'm dropped or quickly disregarded with one sentence...and people wonder why I never open up and talk about things easily...

And once they stop benefiting from me altogether the friendship dies out... I'm not just worth being kept around just for the sake of it.
It's not like I haven't been struggling with self loathing for months and my self view wasn't already ruined on many levels...

LET'S ALL JUST ADDRESS OUR TECHNICAL PROBLEMS AT 8 PM ON A FRIDAY NEXT TIME, SHALL WE?!
Gotta love this fucking mess.... My plan on going home at 1 PM has failed epicly.

#2025 #problems

Making a joke at another cultures expense is not racist. Habitually blaming said group for your fucked up problems, year end and year out spouting conspiracy theories demeaning and endangering said group, and becoming unhinged and eaten up with hatred towards said group is. So, sod the fuck off!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stjOxJuZfx4

So I'm gonna be doing +2 hours overtime today thanks to everyone from fucking Europe deciding to show up in Cork and having weird technical problems, for some weird fucking reason. Tis the season to be jolly, am I right?
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

1 last meeting for the day and I get to go home.
After I completed my huge meeting room project this really feels relaxing. I only get to maintain the systems and catch up with my manager regarding problems, if required.

Pffft. Need. A. Beer. Now.

I do all the work, I am present at the opening ceremony and everyone else takes the credit for what was done but I get none. And what do I get in return? Not a single mention, not one second of appreciation, not even a thank you. All that bragging about how much work you did when you didn't move a muscle sure must feel nice. And then you expect ME to hop in when problems arise? No, fuck this.
Thank you, corporate America for treating me with respect.

So I got full marks on my boolean circuit and logic table assignment and a B on the math problems. Way better than I thought I did. Definitely putting more work into this course moving forward, though.