my 34
voices through people at me
break lights dance across windows in silence
leaving behind thoughts of broken glass
good morningstar ill be in last night all day
BoreDom wants to tie me up by my ankles and tie me down by my hands
her craving for my difficulty demands
first simplification
finding the wrong questions by dissecting the right answers
i cant do anything but laugh at the hopeless ignorance of it all

because its funny

You know that feeling of being scared to be happy even for a brief moment? Because that sensation when your happy little world crashes down and wrenches your entire gut and closes your thoat is the worst. And the bad always seems to come smashing down when you've just started floating again. So you avoid the crash by any cost. just not allowing youself to float up with happiness again. If everything remains in shambles maybe the bad won't come because ther is nothing left to shatter...
But sometimes you are dumb and faint glitter of hope makes you think maybe I'll try floating again maybe this time it won't crash. But it will.
Just one call and a nice and relaxed weekend that finally cheered me up a bit, became the start of probably the most difficult time I'll have to face...
I'm trueley terrified of whats ahead...

could rly go for some chicken nuggies rn

Hella hype for this weekend. After work our entire IT department is going camping. Looking forward to relaxing in the woods with the IT homies. Sheeeeeesh!

BREAKING: Sen. John Kennedy drops the bluntest line on the Senate floor:

“Illegal immigration is illegal. DUH!”— and he’s daring Washington to enforce the laws it passed.

I'm sinking more and more into one of my sleep escapism-depressions again. Everything is so discouraging and seems so hopeless....

I can barely get myself to leave the bed lately. I lack any motivation and elan to do anything.
Perpetually trapped in task paralysis.

On workdays I push myself to still give 110% despite constantly asking "what am I doing it for its not like it's fruitful for me". Work drains me so much I can't find the energy to look for new jobs after hours.
And on Weekends I am still drained and barely drag myself out of bed after sleeping for 12hr, then I end up on the couch staring into my phone screen doomscrolling, because I can't get myself to sit on my PC and look for job offers because I know there are barely any that are suitable for me. But pursuing my hobbies makes me feel guilty because "I should spend this time on looking for jobs".
So I just sit there on the couch trapped by invisible chains of guilt and discourage while I'm hoping for the unlikely miracle that a Recruiter will find my job profile and it's the perfect match for both sides. And that the world politics wills suddenly be bearable again. But with the current leaders pfft finding the Amber-room again is more likely than having a secure and happy future.
Thats why I keep asking myself: What future am even doing it for?

I find it hilarious that someone on this site is asking for help to develop a new "goth" site when what they developed is needing access to someone's backend and likes their own post.

Do not trust that individual.

Had this for the first time in a small town north east of San Antonio. It was so good, I’m going to try to make it . Just hope it’s as good as the diner’s was.
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/236805/king-ranch-chicken-casserole/

Not too crazy about our Pope right now. Showing a few signs of wokeness.

https://x.com/EricLDaugh/status/2018782824212701515

Urghh this suuucccks!!
All day I was actually looking forward to m daily workout session because I found a cool Pilates flow im really curious to try. Guess what halfway through the workday my body said fucketh they and gave me the worst stomach cramps for no reason. Guess I'll take a long walk instead....
Although feeling sick is a good reason to rest my orthorexia demon HATES skipping why is my brain broken like this?!