Guess who didn't catch up on sleep last night and is also doing overtime again I'm so freaking tired of this shit..

I'm sinking more and more into one of my sleep escapism-depressions again. Everything is so discouraging and seems so hopeless....

I can barely get myself to leave the bed lately. I lack any motivation and elan to do anything.
Perpetually trapped in task paralysis.

On workdays I push myself to still give 110% despite constantly asking "what am I doing it for its not like it's fruitful for me". Work drains me so much I can't find the energy to look for new jobs after hours.
And on Weekends I am still drained and barely drag myself out of bed after sleeping for 12hr, then I end up on the couch staring into my phone screen doomscrolling, because I can't get myself to sit on my PC and look for job offers because I know there are barely any that are suitable for me. But pursuing my hobbies makes me feel guilty because "I should spend this time on looking for jobs".
So I just sit there on the couch trapped by invisible chains of guilt and discourage while I'm hoping for the unlikely miracle that a Recruiter will find my job profile and it's the perfect match for both sides. And that the world politics wills suddenly be bearable again. But with the current leaders pfft finding the Amber-room again is more likely than having a secure and happy future.
Thats why I keep asking myself: What future am even doing it for?

President Trump: “I don't sleep on planes. I don't like sleeping on planes. I like looking out the window and watching for missiles and enemies, actually.”

Epstein Files dropped and almost every celebrity and politician is in it.
Trump isn't going to save you, Clinton isn't going to save you, Elon is definitely not gonna come save you, Jay Z isn't going to save you nor is Noam Chomsky and Stephen Hawking.
But nothing will be done, like always. We're in too deep. The world is too complacent and brainwashed with Door dash, Pornhub and all of its smaller partners, netflix, tiktok, instagram, YouTube, google, internet memes, chat gpt, videogames, drugs, weed, alcohol, meds and all your dumb fucking anime providing endless stimulation to make sure no one thinks for themselves or has any second to self reflect.
People care more about getting an orgasm, not being bored and being comfortable than doing anything about anything.
I for one welcome an alien race, or God, the universe or war to kill us all. Wash this planet of the worst species ever created.
Cleanse us of our wretched, putrid souls and end our suffering.

And fuck your politics if you don't believe any of this and think that your favorite president you suck off is not in any way part of this. They are. This is not a theory anymore.
The higher ups are pedophilic, child molesting, murdering cannibals.
Marquis De Sade called all of this out with the Libertines back in his day when he used to participate in these parties and orgies. He was imprisoned, though he was a fucking pervert as well, he at least had the balls to call it out so the world would know.
And the elite are mocking us. Laughing at us and watching the shit show we call our economy and society.
They're conspiring against us and always have been since the beginning of civilization.

And this is only the tip of the iceberg.
These are only the files that have been released. There's still a ton more that goes even deeper. I can write pages and pages about this shit. I read the black book back in 2020 and i told people that modern presidents and politicians and celebrities were in there but no one wanted to believe it, especially when it came to Trump. He is not on your side or for the people, let alone, poor people. You'd have to be blind, dumb, and ignorant to believe he even cares about you.
I am tired of this left wing, right wing bullshit when both wings of the government are part of the same bird and both parties are in bed together, keeping us down and out.

God is not coming to punish them or save us.

Stop trying to excuse the behavior of these rich politicians/pedophiles.
Stop blaming the world's problems on immigrants, racial minorities, lgbtq, and people who look and believe different from Christian, and heterosexual belief systems.
Your enemy is not regular people who believe in the left or regular people who believe in the right;
Our enemies are the cocksuckers that built and rigged the system, aka, the billionaires, politicians, the corporations and the banks.
But keep pointing your fingers at your neighbors and thinking they're the ones destroying your life and that you're one of the good guys who knows the truth.
You keep believing that...
Stay asleep.

Anyways, i have said my piece.
Keep your eyes closed, your mind closed, keep getting high and drunk, keep posting memes, keep thirst trapping and simping.
Carry on.
Let us all walk hand in hand, obliviously to our self annihilation as the hideous, fucked up, delusional children of an indifferent God we all are.

“You should read before bed to help you get sleepy.” is the biggest lie I’ve ever been told.
I’ll be up until 3am, fully invested.

why do i get sleepy after i jerk off?

Lately, When I express my genuine thoughts and concerns, it feels like a form of punishment.

This happens both at work, in meetings where input is supposedly valued, and in my personal life. My attempts to voice a concern or a different perspective are often dismissed as pessimism, exaggeration, or even egomania. It seems I am being penalized simply for having an opinion and for caring enough to be concerned.

Increasingly, I feel that I am being passively silenced—not with a direct command, but with subtle cues and reactions that make thinking feel like a forbidden act. I am being reduced to a sounding board, a wall for others to shout at, with no expectation of a reciprocal conversation. My role is not to contribute, but to absorb.

And then, people wonder. They wonder why I am burning out, why my energy and creativity have evaporated, why my motivation has dwindled to nothing. They don't see the cumulative weight of being silenced.
I notice that the situation is gradually affecting my body. I currently only sleep with a tight chest and painful breathing, and I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing.

In shadows deep, where darkness dwells,
Cruelty smiles, negativity tells.
Demons trail, a haunting plight,
Trying to halt my inner light.

Everywhere, their presence sneers,
In screens and faces, fueling fears.
Monsters lurk, in corners creep,
Laughing softly, beneath my sleep.

Yet, I fight, with courage bright,
Seeking solace, in endless night.
I call to God, with fervent plea,
Chase them back to hell, and set me free.

A God-fearing soul, I yearn to find,
Peace in heart, and peace in mind.