Sneak peak of my first Black Metal song
I call it:
Pinkie Pie Do You Believe In Satan?If You Do Flip The Crosses Upsidedown!
Verse 1:

The color white is colorless, it is colorless from rejection, left to be told that is has no color.

The color white.

White is a color.

We are going to die tonight,

White is white.

Rejected from the light of colors the color white is a rejection of love.

White you have been rejected.

The color of white you have been a rejected color of carelessness like the animal of polar bear.

Just like the polar bear you are white.

Polar bear you are white.

White of bears.

White if you are recognized as not a color you fall close to being recognized as a bear of polar activities.

The color of bear the act of polar.

It as a bear show a color of white.

White it shows.

White it hisses like a demon.

Polar bears are white.

White is a bear color, white is a bear thing, and white is a polar thing.

The color of polar bears is white.

Now smear the bear into the pavement by a semi-truck.

Kill the bear with pride.

Kill it with a painful force.

It is now flat.

It is now flat.

Flat it is.

Flat.

Chorus 1:

White stands high above the flat bear.

Flat bear you are pretty.

You are still pretty.

Yes you are still a polar.

You are still a bear.

You are still flat.

The moon stands over you in sadness as you were gone.

Gone you are no longer plump but now like paper.

You should see it above.

It is still pretty.

You are the best white flat bear that had an accident.

The laughter it shows.

Step into the new year with magic on your walls Original paintings inspired by wonder, light, and transformation.Start 2026 surrounded by art that feels alive. XZanthia.com

Oil Painting by XZanthia available on ETSY

I possese Deviant Electronics. Unity Towards Complexity Iiill Do MY HEADSPIN.. You cant Handle it IS There a Moon in YOU WINDOW hahhahahaha IS madness Laughing in PAIN

Do you ever just do hyperfocus induced time jumps?
When did it get to 3:30 am?!?
Last thought at 11 pm was: "I'm just gonna do the sketch for this painting on the canvas"
Aaaaand 4h later 50% of the painting is basically done...and I didn't even feel like painting. I intended to work on a cosplay project after getting that sketch done...

draw drawma drawman omen women drawomen draman
numbers bypain
pain by painted
gravitationally
with no purpose

#art #painting #goth #gothgirl #gothstyle #gothicwoman #gothicstyle #gothicbabe

I'm on the verge of crying. I'm literally panicking. Another health issue came up that needs immediate medical procedure. This that gives me the worst anxiety on multiple levels...if I'm unlucky it will not only make me really ugly and I struggle with dismorphia, but also also what I fear most, it will delay my treatment yet again... possibly for several weeks. I finally got a fixed appointment for getting the blood drawn for testing first thing but now I fear the new issue can't wait and needs to be fixed immediately there is akute pain....they probably can't test my blood if there is residual narcotics and painkillers on my system....
Like my anxiety was not already bad since yesterday for other reasons. Now this...I'm really panicking right now. Why is it all breaking at once??

Ok I need to breathe and wait se how bad the pain gets today prepare for being incapacitated by meds while I still can and if I get worse I go to the doctor tomorrow first thing. Good thing I live right next door. Maybe it just got painful because I was feeling the swelling I know I shouldn't drag it out and fix acute things immediately. But the following issues of delayed treatment will be detrimental too possibly reshaping my future entirely.

Lately, When I express my genuine thoughts and concerns, it feels like a form of punishment.

This happens both at work, in meetings where input is supposedly valued, and in my personal life. My attempts to voice a concern or a different perspective are often dismissed as pessimism, exaggeration, or even egomania. It seems I am being penalized simply for having an opinion and for caring enough to be concerned.

Increasingly, I feel that I am being passively silenced—not with a direct command, but with subtle cues and reactions that make thinking feel like a forbidden act. I am being reduced to a sounding board, a wall for others to shout at, with no expectation of a reciprocal conversation. My role is not to contribute, but to absorb.

And then, people wonder. They wonder why I am burning out, why my energy and creativity have evaporated, why my motivation has dwindled to nothing. They don't see the cumulative weight of being silenced.
I notice that the situation is gradually affecting my body. I currently only sleep with a tight chest and painful breathing, and I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing.

Urrrghhh im sooo stuuuupiiiiddd!!! And so angry at myself!!!!
I successfully delayed my chances to FINALLY get a blood coagulation test and thus the chance be able to start the treatment that I desperately need for months (but can't get until we know my blood coagulating factor) for another week because I took the wrong painkillers yesterday I usually take paracetamol but I couldn't find it so I took a mixed preparate that contains para and aspirin. Aspirin has a blood thinning effect that lasts for 4-8 days. I just realized this as I was about to call my doctor to see if we can finally get my blood tested. Now I have to wait another week until we can draw blood for the testing. Which will then take another week to receive the results (at least, prolly more) and that delays my therapy even more. My body is already suffering notably from the severe deficiency that needs treatment. I am so angry at myself why did I not think? I work in pharma industry I KNEW of this effect...