Happiness and good Fortune are like a golden sand flowing into an hourglass of life sometimes there are black grains representing the bad things that sometimes happen but for most they are tuning to gold once they reach the majority of gold. But for some people the sand has more black grains than most, and some of those tend to give their few golden grains to others to help them turn their black to gold, which often leave the givers with overpowering obsidian sand that often turns new gold to black. And if they ask others for just a speckle of gold in return to help Turing the black to gold, they often have to beg for it or end up turning the others sand black just by opening their their hourglass. I am certainly one of the latter people. My body and mind is filled with poisonous black sand and my tongue turns it into venom injecting it to others whenever reach for support or comfort. I have realized a very concerning pattern that gives me the worst anxiety right now. I'm poisoning the last golden grain of sand whenever I open my heart and don't swallow my feelings for once. I should finally stop trying and go back to being the quiet listener that gives her golden grains to others and fights against the black by herself. That will spare me from a lot of feelings of disappointment, and anxiety and guilt about upsetting others by voicing when I'm being upset or disappointed. I'll just suck it up and be too forgiving for my own good the sake of harmony. How sad is that? I have become scared of being upset because it upsets others and I feel guilty then. Can one be more of a peoplepleaser just to not end up all alone? Today was a terrible day on so many levels, not only was I still feeling upset, I was also anxious to the point of barely being able to breathe because I had I realized this destructive and poisonous pattern that always, really ALWAYS has been following when I open up and threatens the last good thing I have that is supposed to be an anchor right now. And on top of all, some actually supposedly good news came in from a friend but I can't be happy for them instead it really pulls me down because the topic reminds me of my health issues that are kinda related... And as I currently have no one to talk to because my tongue is venomous and I just ruin everone elses minds, I have to rant it out to strangers in the internet. Maybe the more creative writing approach I took in the beginning is at least somewhat enjoyable to read. It was kind inspired by this song... https://youtu.be/FK3TDHnD1_0?list=RDFK3TDHnD1_0

Gen X here. The most important and crucial difference from my time compared to today: We knew how to relax and have a good time. We certainly didn't let politicians make us fight their battle for them. Divide and conquer has always been the mantra, and if you youngbloods think anyone of those in Washington are making things difficult for those with different viewpoints with your best interest in mind, you're living in a fantasy world. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9l5WZ774Sg

In shadows deep, where darkness dwells, Cruelty smiles, negativity tells. Demons trail, a haunting plight, Trying to halt my inner light. Everywhere, their presence sneers, In screens and faces, fueling fears. Monsters lurk, in corners creep, Laughing softly, beneath my sleep. Yet, I fight, with courage bright, Seeking solace, in endless night. I call to God, with fervent plea, Chase them back to hell, and set me free. A God-fearing soul, I yearn to find, Peace in heart, and peace in mind.

Patriotic Goth Music from Austria https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8fIj3u21n4 Our landscape raped by different armies Soldiers, slaves who have no faces Control our ways and lives completely Our minds are torn, time left its traces Controlled by TV screens and letters That point out assimilation To trends and movements from outside Fall victim to this infiltration Everybody's just consuming What the media's dictating And they all have just forgot The joy that is to creating Here in the heart of Europe No one stands up proud no more Here in the heart of Europe Our culture is a dying whore No room for individuality Grey masses who think one way only Move like robots through the streets In our thinking we stand lonely Once a land of art and culture Now slave to streams from outside Our nations culture, doomed and dying Like a candle's fading light

who even knew this song is guotar spelled backeards mindblown love you lex ifen if you dont lo veme

I'd like to take this time to remind everyone of an era when men were men, and you didn't need a scorecard to tell who had a little sugar in their tank. God help us all!

Hey Bl4ckros312 , sorry about that cat post. I was just ranting, because a friend of mine that betrayed me does that all the time. I actually chased down his cat that escaped his house one time to save him from getting lost / run over. His cat scratched the hell of me though. I also had a cat for awhile, and regret I couldn't keep him. So, can we still hook up? Never mind.

#videogames #videogame #tetris #Retro #RetroGame #virtualreality #tetriseffect #PSYOPS #Psychology #mind #PTSD #REALITY https://particle.scitech.org.au/tech/video-games-can-alter-reality/

Columbus Day is Monday. For Italian Americans, it's another excuse to get drunk. For the far-left, it's another excuse to remind the country of the atrocities against Native Americans. For thousands of government employees, a day off and a trip to the unemployment line. Happy holidays! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eZqkaP37po

Im thinking of quitting inktober (yet again) before i even really started on it. Idk just the thought of planning and actually making an ink drawing every day stresses me out. Although it was something that I easily did in the past. Even multiple ones a day... I think it's because of not having as much time to invest in art anymore I kinda lost my connection to it. I rarely get to sit down to actually paint. Every year I start the inktober challeng in hope to get my connection back but every time for the past 3 years I end up having to quit halfway through for multiple reasons like getting behind lacking time. This year I'm already stressed about having to catch up on the first few days that I missed. Maybe I just had a bad start...I wanted to warm up by finishing one of least years works that I never got to complete and I totally messed it up and on top it tore apart when I tried to remove the one year old masking tape... Seems like an omen... I will still dedicate this month to art and especially watercolor painting. But I think I will not do the inktober challenge for now. Maybe I will get to do the last half of it later but just now I need to get back into the peaceful/mindful mindset that I need for doing watercolor. Pushing myself with a challenge will not help here. I started watching YouTube draw with me videos of one of my favorite artists there. It helps getting back into watercolors and Inks.