My dogs like its 103 out. Yeah im gonna lay here for an hour. Fucking psycho.

I've spent my whole life putting everything I have into art, into expression, leaving my entire existence on paper. When I die will anyone even notice? Will all the countless hours... blood, sweat and breath even be seen or just remain in the dark recesses.. the peripherals of our eyes that we don't even notice? To cease to exist or exist for you to see?

I'm just saying. The POTUS has a commitment to the American people. He also has one to the world abroad. As much as you extremists shout America first, it doesn't work that way.

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/watch-live-trump-meets-with-japanese-prime-minister-sanae-takaichi-at-the-white-house

Not gonna waste 8 to 9 hours watching these, but here you go….
https://x.com/GOPoversight/status/2028572318587371623

I'm sinking more and more into one of my sleep escapism-depressions again. Everything is so discouraging and seems so hopeless....

I can barely get myself to leave the bed lately. I lack any motivation and elan to do anything.
Perpetually trapped in task paralysis.

On workdays I push myself to still give 110% despite constantly asking "what am I doing it for its not like it's fruitful for me". Work drains me so much I can't find the energy to look for new jobs after hours.
And on Weekends I am still drained and barely drag myself out of bed after sleeping for 12hr, then I end up on the couch staring into my phone screen doomscrolling, because I can't get myself to sit on my PC and look for job offers because I know there are barely any that are suitable for me. But pursuing my hobbies makes me feel guilty because "I should spend this time on looking for jobs".
So I just sit there on the couch trapped by invisible chains of guilt and discourage while I'm hoping for the unlikely miracle that a Recruiter will find my job profile and it's the perfect match for both sides. And that the world politics wills suddenly be bearable again. But with the current leaders pfft finding the Amber-room again is more likely than having a secure and happy future.
Thats why I keep asking myself: What future am even doing it for?

This is so discourageing! Of all the job offers that I can find none are Jobs that I would actually wanna take if I actually did get the offer, because all require commuting over an hour or moving to I city that I would never wanna live in. This is just downright depressing! In the past 3 weeks I have not even seen one offer that was in my current location or even close by. I just want a new job not an entire life re-orientation!

It is just so sad that we live in such a career-driven double standard society where it is totally normalized that as a young person, you HAVE to be ready give up your ENTIRE LIFE and the place you picked to be your home ANYTIME to find a new job. But on the same time you are expected to be ready to settle and have a family from 30 onwards. And with a family you are often still required to move your entire family to a new place for a new job and it's totally normalized!

And overall economy is just shit and the field I work in is not doing well despite the fact that it was flourishing during the pandemic.

I blame everything on Merz at this point because I need a scapegoat to vent my anger!

Well Happy Birthday to me. Let's see what a shitty one it will be once I have dragged my ass to work in a few hours. Not looking forward to working tomorrow...
I started to hate it there. I wish I could just quit immediately. But I need to find something new first. And with the current economy in Germany it can take up to a year to find a new job even with a degree in science.
Guess it's obvious what's my wish when blowing out candles today.