Nothing is worse for a highly intelligent and gifted person to be under-challenged and underwhelmed....

Today, I came home from work crying because I realised how underchallenged and boring my work currently is. My expertise is currently not being used because customer projects come in slow and don't get to the downstream processing/purification part (I'm a specialist for protein pruification). I don't get many other opportunities to show my skills and knowledge and only do some minor backup tasks like writing working instructions...Nothing about my work currenly feels rewaring and chellengeing. I am a scientist, I love the try and error and the challenge! I thrive in that. I literally work best with stress and being overloaded with work than with being underwhelmed...
On top of it I'm gettin really bad imposter syndrome because of not being able to show my expertise while my colleagues currenlty thrive and get ever opportunity to show their knowledge and expert fields. We got a new teamlead in march and so far I feel like I could not show off/prove my skille and knowledge to him while the others could. I feel like I'm standing in the shadows sometimes even being actively pushed back into them. Like a tool put in a shelf not neede for now collecting dust.
It's incredibly frustrating and deressing for me because I am a scientist by heart I love my profession...

Now my overthinking brain gets even to the point where I'm asking myself if they are boring me out on purpose, so I leave the company on my own accord and they don't have to fire me, because they can't without a reason....
I'm more and more thinking of actually looking for a different posititon... Maybe I'll apply for a pHD after all...

Kusingifte

Enya.... what a gift for my ears :)

Back from Finland. UNFORTUNATELY.
I love my friends there. I was invited to band practice, sauna party and birthday parties at the same time.
Got some gifts also.
I fucking miss my home country and the more often I go there, the harder it is to go back to Ireland... :/
Anyway, here a picture of a plushie I got. It's a moose.

So need some advice. When hubs and I first met he had a pontiac and than couldnt keep it and we will be married 20 years next year and he loved that car and was thinking to try to find him a match as an Anniversary gift? Is that to cheesy or sentimental or is that something a guy might be into?

Putting in genuine effort feels like wasted effort sometimes. It's like people have this standard of movie-like perfection that just doesn't exist naturally, or without proper communication.

I feel humiliated and depressed, and on top of that I feel like the bad guy for having those emotions.

I feel like I've put genuine thought and effort into making this person feel important. I've stuck by and listened; really, genuinely listened.

All of that just to be left waiting, without any kind of heads up, flowers and gifts in hand, all dressed up and wanting to make it a special day.

Only to be stood up and told that no man has ever or will ever put any kind of real effort.

Was it not enough effort? Or am I just not a man?

I let myself be vulnerable enough to want to build a relationship again.

Even if it wasn't meant as a direct attack, I still feel disrespected.

I had no foul intentions. And my feeling were true.

I'm still processing how to feel and respond.

Idk, I'm just ranting and venting here so I can get it out of my system.

I didn't think I'd feel this hurt.

But oh well, love finds a way.

With someone, at some point in my life. Maybe someone else.

I'm going to keep putting in that effort, but for someone who appreciates the little gestures as much as the grand gestures.

I have my friends, I have my dog, and I have myself.

The rest will work itself out when it's time I guess.

A Valentine’s Day gift from my heart to yours. My new album drops 2/14. #NewMusic #albumreleaseparty
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Found a new game in our local game shop. Does anyone know if it's worth playing it?