A few words….

Dear Democrats:

I know you are confused right now. I know you are struggling to comprehend what is happening.

I am happy to explain it to you.

You see, for decades you have persecuted us for holding conventionally American conservative beliefs. You insulted us. You called us "Nazis." You forcibly silenced us in conventional media and social media. You made us scared to speak our beliefs lest we lose our jobs or our friends and families. You de-banked us. You jailed conservative meme makers for free speech. You tried to steal our children in the public schools. You made us sit at our jobs and silently listen to some HR Karen telling us we were all inherently racist, sexist and evil. You pursued our political leaders with illegitimate lawfare right out of some mid-20th Century fascist state. You badgered us at the Thanksgiving table. You made us feel unwelcome in our own country and in our own homes.

We tried turning the other cheek.

We tried reasoning with you.

We tried standing on principle.

We told you that if we finally decided to do to you what you did to us, that you would not like it.

Then your rhetoric got Charlie killed.

Guess what? We have had enough, and we finally decided to do to you what you did to us.

You need to be taught a painful lesson so the USA can be restored to a nation of freedom, justice and liberty.

Do you understand now? It's for your own good.

Love,
Conservative America

On a real note.

I bought a whole spiral honey ham at Walmart for like $13.

But they still don't have the Halloween Pillsbury sugar cookies.

How tf did Thanksgiving creep up before Halloween?

#Thanksgiving

My dumb ass agreed to host Thanksgiving. I was completely prepared to have a meltdown but plans have changed and now we're having at my in-laws' house. I'm still in charge of the cooking because I'm the only person in both families who knows how to season their food but I'll have a bigger kitchen to work in and I can get as drunk and high as I want! Hallelujah god is great or whatever the fuck my aunt says when she's happy.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

This year I want to commemorate those I'd like to call "The Titans of Thanksgiving". Kudos to my Nephew Schlomo "The Stomach" Lefkowitz...who once downed 17 deviled eggs and two bottles of Manischewitz before halftime of the first NFL game. A legend among gluttons and holiday drunks everywhere. I raise my glass to you, good man!

#thanksgiving