I love good old fashioned racism, men in white hoods, being called a kike, being told to go home, a beating now and then, how my people control the banks and media. It was brutal but it was honest racism.

These days we have coded langague, people claiming to be virtuous while secreatly being the biggest mini-hilters you'll ever meet, especially in private chatrooms, and behind closed doors. Hypocrites all of them.

The worse bit; I'm sure some of these people do not see how racist they are; many know and don't care, anything to push their aganda at the cost of people; heed my warning; you'll get cannibalized in the end by the very people you used to get to the top.

(not sure if anyone reads this, but I think I just need a platform to shout out... not suited for everyone I guess btw..)
Living with Bipolar Disorder is just the worst... not sure if anyone else is dealing with this shit but the worst are those crashing episodes that you cannot foresee yourself.
Especially those Episodes where you just running internally mentally wild and the only thing you feel is just that anyone just want to betray and hurt you... even your closest ones.
In addition, when I'm in a breakdown, the ‘spectrum’ in me swings so hard that I literally become completely blind to communicative schemes and can no longer understand or interpret anything like indirect speech in any way (probably always the main reason why I try to withdraw from anyone).
In these phases, indirect language is as incomprehensible to me as a foreign language that I can't understand in any way. Unfortunately, very few people understand this because they are used to other ways of communicating with me.
I'm really not sure what triggered the current episode: the constant stress at work, the stress of being available for everyone and everything every second for the last few months, or my own realization and disappointment that I think I've made so many bad decisions in the past because of my good faith, which have destroyed paths I would have liked to take(career and study-wise).
However, I currently hate myself more than usual; not only for what I haven't achieved at the moment, but especially for the way I behave towards others uncontrollably during this phase.
I am unconsciously insulting and offending those who actually want the best for me.
I hide and deny the real causes until it is too late... (I'm such a coward)
I wish I would be fixable but I'm not I guess...

The worst thing is probably this post-episode in which you realize that not only the world itself is the problem, but that your own grievance towards others is also the problem in this world.
(No wonder why the S-rate is so high in this disorder circle, since most people can't find any other solution).

Maybe I just want someone to tell me directly and unhinged that they actual love me for what I am and that what I'm trying to achieve is enough

A Russian general has made a stark claim that WW3 has already started citing the war in the Middle East as a flashpoint. And if anyone knows anything about escalation of a global conflict, its the Russkies and their pointless incursion into Ukraine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFBPLLfs_aA

Procrastination selfie... anything to keep me from doing board reports

I knew it.




I'm just not worth to be described. Because the only way im seen is when I function. When im useful.
How will anynoe describe me as anything elst than "the one that waters their plants on vacation" ot "that drives them around". Im not "the one with the soft bouncy curls" or "the one that always has paint on her Fingers" bc these little details that make me a person are never seen. They are not useful...

In slowly but surely falling into an even darker place...

"I have no power. I'm a fucking comedian, and he's the most powerful leader in the world! I'm not the leader of anything, except maybe a contingent of centrist-minded people who think there's got to be a better way of running this country than hating each other every minute." -Bill Maher on his meeting with Donald Trump

I know that lately I don't really post anything else than music....But listening and discovering unknown bands or deep diving into my old music library is the only thing that I can do while going about my busy days. Lately there is not much time or energy left for other hobbies....
with that... here is what sweetened my evening today while i was driving my brother around...
https://youtu.be/GSz51onJTM8

I'm one to consider something good or bad on its own merit. Despite all the political bickering, internet geek critics, and today's negative zeitgeist about anything not worth clutching the pearls.. I give the new Snow White a 5.5 outta 10. How do I come up with that score? I've actually watched it.

https://youtu.be/VmE6CCQYar8?si=ze7_GuajTwCiB6_O

This is not my face, this is not my life, there is not a single thing here i can recognize, this is all a dream, none of you are real, i'd give anything, i'd give anything.