My work is such a weird place,I get along with pretty much everyone but there are some CRAZY opinionated people out there. I won't go into some of the stuff that I don't agree with there but I just keep my head down and keep on working. I have a co-worker who I think likes me but is way too young for me anyways,and is in a relationship...??? Uh,oook??? Either that or they are scared of me like a few customers are who just openly judge people,I get along with most people and customers so it's whatever lucky I have a place to walk to at least...Update: So today when I was on my break I took out a container from the break room microwave,as I needed to hear my food,I was sitting down listening to music,the co-worker totally like freaked out because her container was out of the microwave,yep. common sense is starting to get lost in my workplace no doubt.....

The irony is lost on this one.

https://youtu.be/I6kFgzMGN0I?si=4JSo2W6IhJlxVGcs

"I get so lost and don't know how, it hurts to care im going now."

Waiting for the doctors to return so I can finally get on with fixing my health drives me crazy. There is a lot of anxiety and what ifs connected to it and I just want answers...this uncertainty and not being able to move forward with treatment because outside factors control timelines is so incredibly frustrating. I feel that every passing day is lost time in this regard.
And since nobody in my social circal seems to care enough to listen to me when I try talking about it and just turn to dumping their shit and their problems on me as soon as we mention health or mental health, I need to vent it out here into the void.

Im thinking of quitting inktober (yet again) before i even really started on it. Idk just the thought of planning and actually making an ink drawing every day stresses me out. Although it was something that I easily did in the past. Even multiple ones a day... I think it's because of not having as much time to invest in art anymore I kinda lost my connection to it. I rarely get to sit down to actually paint. Every year I start the inktober challeng in hope to get my connection back but every time for the past 3 years I end up having to quit halfway through for multiple reasons like getting behind lacking time. This year I'm already stressed about having to catch up on the first few days that I missed.
Maybe I just had a bad start...I wanted to warm up by finishing one of least years works that I never got to complete and I totally messed it up and on top it tore apart when I tried to remove the one year old masking tape... Seems like an omen...
I will still dedicate this month to art and especially watercolor painting. But I think I will not do the inktober challenge for now. Maybe I will get to do the last half of it later but just now I need to get back into the peaceful/mindful mindset that I need for doing watercolor. Pushing myself with a challenge will not help here.
I started watching YouTube draw with me videos of one of my favorite artists there. It helps getting back into watercolors and Inks.

I thought I'd finally have time to draw and try doing inktober again. But for some reason I can't wind down and relax. My hands rush through the sketch as if I had to be somewhere and I can't get lost in my artwork and escape. It's so frustrating and aggravating which leads to mistakes and me hating tie pictures in the end. why can't my mind settle down?! I just wanted to draw
I was already disappointed yesterday because my tablet didn't arrive and now today is not fun either

Lost.

I don't always worship the devil, but when I do...so do all the lost souls hopelessly wandering in the darkest depths of Hell!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTsa0KZRnAs

im probably not 100 % human, well she s probably not either,,, we would make a Cute couple . I attac I Protec. I just lost it when she Tweaked out in front o that Backdrop. WE could really work thooose BenDZZZZZZ.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWUJfVq3wFk&list=RDoWUJfVq3wFk&start_radio=1