Not. a. single. Time.
Texted with my friend all evening. Not a single time did she ask how I was feeling if I got better since the last time we talked. Even when I hinted towards my depression. She did not ask further. It was probably too bothtersome. Just complaining on how bored she is, how she didn't know what to eat blah blah blah.
That's what I'm good for. To reach out to when there is nothing else to do. Or when there's emotions to dump. That's my use? Is The reason to exist in her circle? I'm so sick and tired of only existing when I have a function.

It was a good decision to go to the park today.
Take that depression!

I am at peak depression again, I think.
All those calls for open positions exhaust me already.
I apologize for not being online too much... :/

I've done some reflecting today. I think I have unconciously been spiraling down the depression spiral since November with some high phases re-locating the issue in a very self destructive behavioral patterns. that has led to a distorted vision of myself and my personality. Now have a major setback in my self view and I hate many things about myself that I worked so hard on learning to love. Now I need to re-learn to love these things about myself.
How did it even come so far without ne noticing...

I think this is week 2 of Listening to this band nonstop pretending that it will fix my overstimmulation and the high functioning burnout I'm currently facing....At least I have something that I can cling onto for comfort am I right?
I pity my neighbours who have to listen to this blasting from my speakers, as soon as I come home to 2am when I go to bed...and sometimes even in the morning when I get ready Hope it fixes their depression too otherwise thats awkward...

#depression #anxiety

My sister and I, Depression era Christmas 1933

This song is literally made for December misery and depression. :D :D :D

Somehow I've realized that every time I'm stressed/depressed (sometimes unconsciously), I like to cook/bake to relieve the stress.
Really strange habit of myself.
I'm not sure if more severe creeping depression means equaling better baking results, if so, it's probably going to go bad soon :D

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand depression and anxiety hit again. WOO!