Hysterics
        
      
                      I've never considered myself one given to being hysterical (and even if I used to get panic attacks, they were primarily in my twenties living in a toxic home environment...they became nonexistent in my thirties). A day or two ago, though, I developed throbbing chest pain.
I did a quick mental rundown of my symptoms and decided to take my blood pressure; it was 98/50 and a few minutes later it recovered to 106/50 (my blood pressure typically runs around 120/80; was minorly concerned because...
                  
        
      
        Lost
        
      
                      I will tear the sky open and pave the way back to you.
I will tear the veil apart, just to find you again. 
I will not stop, for you are all that is me, all that was me. 
I will honor our bond, endless as eternity is long, and all that I promised you.
Let the eternal sickness of Grief guide us back to each other, for one day, we will be One, again.
Forever. 
"Always."
                  
        
      
        Sunday Scaries
        
      
                      I have work tomorrow and that alone kicks up so much anxiety. But then I have a crap ton of other things I need to take care of:
Giant economics paper due in a week:  5-8 pages (or 2000 to 2500 words, min-max, single-spaced; or 10-15 pages if double-spaced). I have once again procrastinated and I have no one to blame but myself. Ugh.
Have to turn in my application for certification program prior to 03/20/25 (should submit sooner because apparently all components of said application are...
                  
        
      
        A foggy new day 
        
      
                      its not actually foggy but it is lovely so that will do 
 
stay great my dear vampfriends 
 
                  
        
      
        I wouldn't fly Boeing
        
      
                      All im saying is I wouldn't fly on the planes from the company that people who critcize its safety are getting disapeared and so are its videos.....
https://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/news/boeing-unable-to-find-records-video-for-work-on-alaska-airlines-plane-that-suffered-door-plug-blowout-ntsb/ar-BB1jQZQ2
                  
        
      
        Day 2
        
      
                      Hormonal flux, the ebb and flow of biology, lunar in its waxing and waning, affects physiology in so many respects; as it turns out, hormones also affect one's brain. This shouldn't be surprising, as our brains are responsible for hormone regulation (specifically the hypothalamus and pituitary gland). The slightest disruption, such as stress or nutritional deficiency, can throw homestatic harmony into chaos and sap serotonin.
I am used to chronic stress. It comes with the territory of trying...
                  
        
      
        giveing up....
        
      
                      So i officialy decided today,that...yeah...im giveing up on love.
i made a promise to myself that i dont want to be in my 40's and have a girlfriend,so i decided to be alone forever,im turning 35 tommarrow so this i probably the best time to make the choice. i deal with alot of stuff everyday,have severe back issues and a permenently screwed up spine that is see a great chyropractor for,im tired of looking and i observe alot of relationship stuff at my job. So yeah,its majorly depressing but...
                  
        
      
        "Intrusive thoughts" Indeed
        
      
                      Pretty busy week right now with everyone at my work getting ready to get slaughtered (including myself) for the thanksgiveing and x-mas holidays. Has been a pretty ok last few days with family up from out of state and getting to spend time with them. My cousin stopped by to see my condo tonight and we got to talk about some stuff that had consistently been on my mind,I got a few good perspectives on what went wrong in my previous relationship. As if on cue while watching some live music on...
                  
        
      
        A Rant
        
      
                      So the past few days have not been kind to me,the whole retro-grade shit is getting old. we literly had bare minamal staff today,i worked my absolute hardest and we pulled through tonight,will probably be more crazy tommarrow durring my next shift. The one bothersome thing is we have a non-working door thats an emergency exit,one of my leads tells me EVERYTIME to use the other door,even though they are both D00RS that function. Of everything i have ever delt with it is the most...
                  
        
      
        Healing
        
      
                      So just got back from work,and I've been thinking about my past relationship and all these little details have been hitting me that I didn't notice,Like: "She would always ___ when I ___" or vice versa. I realized I tried SO hard to stop arguments from growing and becoming serious problems right as they started that I wore myself out as did she. She has major anxity so that made things difficult as well. She mentioned that I never listened to her and always shut her out,do maybe that's...
                  
        
      
        Detaching From The Simulation, Part II: Why You Experience Pain
        
      
                      Now that we've discussed specific ways that you may be subjected to targeted demoralization in this Realm, let's delve further into the "purpose" of it.
If we assume that the False Light Soul-trap Matrix narrative is true, we can conclude that the rulers of this Realm are evil sadists who subject us to a dualistic existence for some greater purpose.  In other words, light cannot exist without dark, or vice versa; pain cannot exist without pleasure, or vice versa; good cannot exist...
                  
        
      
                Blogs
                
              
              
                      Leia Mais
            
        Last night...
        
      
                      The DOOM concert went ok, plenty of Goth numbers played and this is me trying to look like Peter...
                  
        
      
        Next Thursday 
        
      
                      The Craft is a cool horror flick. Its also a cool hangout in Perth. The next Tomb Styne show is...
                  
        
      
        Goth night
        
      
                      Halloween Goth night last Saturday, and market- best night in decades!
                  
        
      
        Goth Curiosity 
        
      
                      So. I love all these Goth posts. Mostly I like the music, the horror and the Goth fashion. Though...
                  
        
      
        Pickled Noodles 
        
      
                      Just finished prepping (12) Mason Jars of pickled beets, cabbage, onions, garlic, cauliflower.
I...
                  
        
      
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