Back from vacation,was an experience but good to be home,home..got to see my cousin who I had not seen in a few years and stay at her house a few nights,she lives in more rural area with goats and chickens behind her house,Cali was beautiful got to walk on a few trails and around a mall-ish area with a lot of shops,got new reading material from a local store,and caught up with some longtime family that I had not seen in years,hotel was nice enough they swapped me rooms when I had a nosey neighbor on the other side of me,big highlight was going back to the beach not swimming this time but wanding around and watching all the dogs,probably the most dogs I've seen at the beach,seagulls too,Haveing dinner overlooking the bay at a seaside diner,and finding a amazeing hole in the wall Pho place that was just insanely good,also stopped at a local joint high tech burrito and got some Insanely good tacos,probably some of the best I've had ever. Overall worth it and just enough time out there.

Note to self: Cancel vacation to Concordia Station, Antarctica.


https://www.livescience.com/planet-earth/antarctica/antarctica-just-experienced-minus-119-f-earths-coldest-temperature-since-2012-heres-why

Haven't had much time to be on here it's been just craziness,skipped a post rock/sludge metal concert tonight just been to exhausted from working so hard,been playing River City Girls 2 on PC great beat em up game gotten pretty far in it and it's enjoyable,still creating music and doing art stuff when I can,California vacation coming up in like 2 days so looking forward too it !

I love vacation days where I can just relax🦇🦇

Wow what a shitty End for a vacation. Successfully ruined another persons day again just by trying to open up and share my fears and emotions in hopes to clear my anxiety that I had since yesterday...
But noo triggered somewhat of a fight and anxiety for the other side too.
Aaaaaand thats why I usually bottle things up. When I talk about it I piss people off or make them sad and that worsens my anxiety. Even when I thought hard about how I say it and what I say, it always goes down the wrong pipe and ends with the worst outcome...
Why do I even try again ana again it always ends in disappointment: either I'm a bad trigger or I'm as important as fucking chairs. After all im only good for listening not for talking about feelings. I just muck things up...

I feel like such a human failure...

Not like anyone cares but I'll blog it here anyways... Cause here at least I can pretend ppl care... I'm Ending vacation with a bad migraine attack and possibly an incubating flu. Great. Not like my I overall declining health has been enough strain in my body and mental health.

Maybe I shouldn't have made plans for Halloween at all... Just ended with a ruined evening and feeling bad about being the cause of it...

Today at work, we discussed and agreed on the last project weeks of the quarter.
Only 8 weeks left (with lots of potential for overtime)...
After that, I can finally go on vacation. 🥴

The Schumer Shutdown is basically a month long vacation for Useless (Oops, I meanzzz "Non-essential" federal employees 🤔💭

Sometimes the health system sucks....Starting to feel long time consequences of some health issues that I have been dealing with for a while I went to some specialist and Guess what to treat one thing I need another condition fully diagnosed but that doctor is on vacation for two weeks and once that one is returned, doctor one will be on vacation and so in total I have to wait at least 4 more weeks to be able to start treatment if it is even possible to give me that treatment. Not like I have been having that issue for 6 months now and it's starting to cause follow up issues....
Still not sure if the ED is the cause of it all or if my body just hates me and found another way to show me...
But hey, what else is new?

#life #vacation #isolation #nature