Logging out of work today like...
(I am totally not sorry that I will not have to deal with preparing the lab for the upcoming constructions in the next week)

Sorry for not engaging much in conversations or replying to messages. I have a lot going on in my head lately and also need to focus on my health. I don't feel like talking much. I have nothing much to say. Most interaction is just masking mechanisms.

Looong post...(Sorry I just need to dump this emotion somewhere. I don't have any friends left to dump it on...)

I think I don't enjoy spending time with my friend anymore. And this scaes me because I recently lost another good freind due to growing apart. And I don't want to lose this one too... I miss being careless just doing fun things forgetting the wories of the world for a while.

Today was not fun at all. Nothing at all like I imagined or how we planned the day: Just 2 gilfriends doing mundane girl things like shopping going for drinks and having a good time. That was the plan.

No, instead I spend the entire day people pleasing and enduring socializing with one of her old university friends we met, because she seemed to have a good time and I really wanted her to have a good time & fully enjoy this weekend as she has a lot of other troubles at home & I want to be her safe space/happy place.
I tolerated not doing any of the things we had planned, just to end the day with her emotion dumping on me how shitty and disappointing the reunion with her uni freind was and how no one wants to be friends with her if they don't benefit from her in one way or another...So I was the emotional Dumpster...

I am not meaning to blame her but she is doing the same thing to me: I am always her emotional dumpster who listends and gives advice. So she benefits from me. And all the things I want to do, the plans we made before are overthrown. By some kind of drama every time.
Last time we saw each other was the same: It was completely ruined, all plans were overthrown because of her bf making drama and me having to be the should to cry on and fix her up for most of the day. I am sick of spending "quality time" like this. I am always the one who's getting the short end and the disappointment.

And now I'm sitting here crying in frustration and disappointment beacue I really miss having my friend around and I want the carefree time back when we did the things we planned and had a good time: Go shopping and try on silly things for fun, go hiking and fool around in the autumn leaves, forget all troubles, laugh and just enjoy the simplest things in company of our comfort person.
All I want is to have something like this again:

https://youtu.be/7Wt2mVpOt6Q?si=WoiAhF1Eg_Y4igEY

When your "friend" uses you and stabs you in the back and comes back to say sorry because they need something just stab them in the face and sing this.

Sorry for being absent, some of us are ACTUALLY WORKING. :D :D

For those of you whose hearts ache or deal with people being unkind Im so sorry you deserve better. People can absolutely suck and it is not your fault,its theirs. Keep shining and remember you are beautiful as is (no matter how you identify).

If I've posted this before sorry but it's totally worth posting a second time.

When watching X-Files is an intrigue and trauma trigger and you watch it anyways lol. If there are creatures hiding among us I feel a bit sorry for them watching humans in action.

I'm back.
Sorry for going ghost.

Biden hasn't been seen for days, And Kamala Harris almost let it slip that the call had been recorded, If they try to say he died of covid sorry im not buying it! Considering that covid gets weaker every month, Because thats what the disease needs to do to survive, My 95 year old grand mother just had covid, And would never have known she had it if they didn't test.