The house is clean,the roast is in the crockpot,the rest of the fun foods are ready and the cake is coming out of the freezer. Tomorrow is gonna be F-U-N!! <3

BeautifulMonster this site is damaged. I cleared my browser cache and history. All I see are posts from 2 weeks ago. Search engine, non functional, sidebar is in a weird place (not physical)….

Not. a. single. Time.
Texted with my friend all evening. Not a single time did she ask how I was feeling if I got better since the last time we talked. Even when I hinted towards my depression. She did not ask further. It was probably too bothtersome. Just complaining on how bored she is, how she didn't know what to eat blah blah blah.
That's what I'm good for. To reach out to when there is nothing else to do. Or when there's emotions to dump. That's my use? Is The reason to exist in her circle? I'm so sick and tired of only existing when I have a function.

To be seen as a person rather than a function...

Aand off to be fulfilling a function again...people pleasing at it's peak sacrificing at least 1h 30 of my free time do again doing something I will not receive an ounce gratitude for from the person im doing it for...oh the bliss of having family...

I knew it.




I'm just not worth to be described. Because the only way im seen is when I function. When im useful.
How will anynoe describe me as anything elst than "the one that waters their plants on vacation" ot "that drives them around". Im not "the one with the soft bouncy curls" or "the one that always has paint on her Fingers" bc these little details that make me a person are never seen. They are not useful...

In slowly but surely falling into an even darker place...

Once again Lucy Krugers gentle and melancholic voice is the only thing that keeps me grounded and comforts me. It's he only voice I want to hear rn and my paintbrushes are the only thing I want to hold on to. But I am forced to function. Listen to everyone yap and pick up the pieces of myself that break off along the road.
I am so tired
https://youtu.be/EvaWwpTvm0o?si=dT_fCbd3ZbsB5_Fg

https://i.imgur.com/gERG0lZ.jpg

Ben and Spookies having fun with their kitty cats, lol xD

#Deers

I spend the evening digitalizing my cosplay planner for better organization and budget overview. It was kinda fun...and Now it is 4 am...And I have to wok again in 4 1/2 h...