Nothing is worse for a highly intelligent and gifted person to be under-challenged and underwhelmed....

Today, I came home from work crying because I realised how underchallenged and boring my work currently is. My expertise is currently not being used because customer projects come in slow and don't get to the downstream processing/purification part (I'm a specialist for protein pruification). I don't get many other opportunities to show my skills and knowledge and only do some minor backup tasks like writing working instructions...Nothing about my work currenly feels rewaring and chellengeing. I am a scientist, I love the try and error and the challenge! I thrive in that. I literally work best with stress and being overloaded with work than with being underwhelmed...
On top of it I'm gettin really bad imposter syndrome because of not being able to show my expertise while my colleagues currenlty thrive and get ever opportunity to show their knowledge and expert fields. We got a new teamlead in march and so far I feel like I could not show off/prove my skille and knowledge to him while the others could. I feel like I'm standing in the shadows sometimes even being actively pushed back into them. Like a tool put in a shelf not neede for now collecting dust.
It's incredibly frustrating and deressing for me because I am a scientist by heart I love my profession...

Now my overthinking brain gets even to the point where I'm asking myself if they are boring me out on purpose, so I leave the company on my own accord and they don't have to fire me, because they can't without a reason....
I'm more and more thinking of actually looking for a different posititon... Maybe I'll apply for a pHD after all...

Sky on Sunday at dusk behind my property.*

Jungle starts at the treeline.

If it wasn't for the mosquitos, I'd sit there and just soak it in while trying to catch diabetes from a cold, icy Coke in a glass bottle.

*Didn't mess with colors but did sharpen contrast.

Ok shout-out to Berenika for releasing this funky new single that saved my Monday! This energetic tune brought back my vigor.
Bye bye post vacation blues. HELLo party mood!
This will probably be my get ready in the morning song for the rest of this month
https://youtu.be/JY9D2fEh-K0?list=RDJY9D2fEh-K0

Urgh post vacation blues hit hard. Why has working become so boring?! meetings this morning were like...

Obsolescence i heard about your recent circumstances. I dedicated this to you

https://youtu.be/pB-vtKpuOkg?si=_bZygd50pSt72Njb

well... shitty ?vacations? on my parents house in south portugal.... it's been 5 years since me my mom my bro his wife and my nephew went there in plain August..... fuck...it was unberable.... no AC on the house... 2 big fan's could cool the air...we're back home again..

I'm still around just complicated lol. Been talking to a friend thats been around more which is a lot of fun so as much as I might not be around that doesn't mean I will let you sexies forget how beautiful you are,how much the wold needs you and that you are invaluable. Keep your heads up yeah some days are shit but ya know... doesnt mean you won't get through it. Please don't give up.

I wanted to film new tiktok cosplay content during my vacation but so far it has been too hot for wearing wigs
But I'm also feeling like I'm wasting my free time feeling bored right now...

I wouldn't mind if it doesn't rain here for months. The flood waters have now receded and some sections of town are a mess. And sadly, some people have lost their life. These so called 500 year floods by the experts seem to be happening with some frequency. Ol' Hebrew made it out unscathed, but it was close Tuesday night. I don't know what you goths would do without me If I was swept away by the water.

The Pulse That Outlives Me

Since I was small,
my hands have itched
for the weight of something new,
the warm breath of an idea
still wet from birth.

While others chased nights
strung with music and lights,
I chased the hum beneath my ribs—
that low, holy vibration
that says: Make. Make. Make.

I am not afraid of death—
only of silence,
of the stillness that comes
when the last word dries,
when the last color fades
from my palette.

Some people fear missing the party.
I fear missing the next
perfect shiver of creation,
the one that seizes my spine
like lightning,
the one that says:
Here. This is yours. Make it real
before it slips away forever.

Even as a child,
I knew my bones would be dust one day.
But a poem—
a song,
a shadow on film,
a brushstroke on canvas—
that could outlive me.
That could keep my voice
whispering in the ears of strangers
long after my name is forgotten.

So I make.
I bleed ink.
I sweat pigment.
I dream in shapes and sounds.
Every piece is a fragment
of the monument I am building
to outlast my pulse.

And when I am gone,
let them find my works
scattered like constellations—
each one a flare I sent into the dark,
each one still burning,
still warm,
still breathing my name.


https://www.blogger.com/u/7/blog/post/edit/7919007891465025240/49843031849199149