do i hate this world

yes

do i wish i was dead

yes

would i ever say im depressed

no

to anyone who loves this world
would i tell you
youre wrong

no

it may be my job
to convince people

but either theyre too stupid
or im not good enough
either won
im tired
and one

getout of my brain
leave mealone

i dont have your answers
i never wanted your answers
all i wanted
was to help
if i cant help
then stop torturing me

Another day of endless boredom at work. Being underwhelmed/underchallenged and having condescending colleagues is an awful combination. I'm developing the worst imposter syndrome and start believing that I am on the sidelines because I'm useless. I want least Year back I'd rather have the stress and project burden because that at least feels productive and successful.
I'm really work depressed lately. I'm seriously considering of looking for a new job...maybe do phD after all maybe that's the sign I was waiting for.

You know what hits hard??? Realizing that even the Pinterest algorithm shows more concern about your mental well being based on what you had pinned recently, than you actual 'friends' did after you had upfront told them you had a depressed episode.
They not checking up on me if I'm better now...nope! But at least Pinterest was observant enough...

Thunderbolts was a really good movie, I also liked the fact they addressed depression in the movie, Way to many people are depressed and in a dark hole, And the movie addressing it, Will hopefully lead to less people killing themselves or being in that dark hole, Right message for Hollywood to be sending instead of all this other B.S its tried to push, Also walked out of the theatre to see all these electric signs telling people that they matter! , Lets go back to fighting against depression in the world, Instead of having all this woke bullshit!
FUCK SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION! We need to help those who are in that dark hole!

You know that feeling when all of a sudden you just feel depressed for no reason although you felt OK before?
Like someone flipped a switch inside you?

It's been a month now since I am looking for work and still no luck...getting upset and depressed now... :/

Putting in genuine effort feels like wasted effort sometimes. It's like people have this standard of movie-like perfection that just doesn't exist naturally, or without proper communication.

I feel humiliated and depressed, and on top of that I feel like the bad guy for having those emotions.

I feel like I've put genuine thought and effort into making this person feel important. I've stuck by and listened; really, genuinely listened.

All of that just to be left waiting, without any kind of heads up, flowers and gifts in hand, all dressed up and wanting to make it a special day.

Only to be stood up and told that no man has ever or will ever put any kind of real effort.

Was it not enough effort? Or am I just not a man?

I let myself be vulnerable enough to want to build a relationship again.

Even if it wasn't meant as a direct attack, I still feel disrespected.

I had no foul intentions. And my feeling were true.

I'm still processing how to feel and respond.

Idk, I'm just ranting and venting here so I can get it out of my system.

I didn't think I'd feel this hurt.

But oh well, love finds a way.

With someone, at some point in my life. Maybe someone else.

I'm going to keep putting in that effort, but for someone who appreciates the little gestures as much as the grand gestures.

I have my friends, I have my dog, and I have myself.

The rest will work itself out when it's time I guess.

Somehow I've realized that every time I'm stressed/depressed (sometimes unconsciously), I like to cook/bake to relieve the stress.
Really strange habit of myself.
I'm not sure if more severe creeping depression means equaling better baking results, if so, it's probably going to go bad soon :D

I'm alive, just depressed, let's goooooooo :D :D :D