I've done some reflecting today. I think I have unconciously been spiraling down the depression spiral since November with some high phases re-locating the issue in a very self destructive behavioral patterns. that has led to a distorted vision of myself and my personality. Now have a major setback in my self view and I hate many things about myself that I worked so hard on learning to love. Now I need to re-learn to love these things about myself. 😔 How did it even come so far without ne noticing...

Somehow it has become hard for me to enjoy my socia shutdown alone time. Sometimes I just need to recharge my social batteries and shut myself in for a weekend doing things I enjoy alone like painting and sewing. And sometimes I need several weekends on a row.. But lately I often feel guilty doing this. Today too...Especially if others have asked if I wanna do something or join a get together. Even if they are understanding bc they are also introverted and get it. I feel like they just said it to be nice but are actually upset and think that I am selfish... But a the same time I hate not having so much time for my hobbies anymore so I look forward to be able to spend an entire weekend on them. Is it selfish to prioritize this over social interactions? I have picked up all these hobbies in the past as way fix the loneliness I experienced for always being the odd one with very little friends. Now I love art more than people because it was always there for me when people weren't. I think thats why it makes me feel guilty now that there are people who want to spend time with me. Lately I have been struggleing with this thought a lot...but I really need to recharge in order to not completely explode or break down.

Happy Saturday, heres a selfie from yesterday.

Hopefully USA sorts itself out. Https://youtube.com/shorts/NtivnkNxrp0?si=Ojxxup5f8w8MgEFE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug8hdSJEYrI "Why is Kristi Noem Using Venezuelan Gang Members as Backdrop to Social Media Video? With Ruthless" Megyn Kelly is completely wrong about this and its obvious, that she still hates Kristi N. for the animal abuse/Killing and you know what? We all took issue with this when KN first brought her animal abuse to light and for the most part, everyone rejected her. President Trump chose KN for DHS and guess what? Us normal people have given KN the chance to "do right" and allow her the opportunity to do the job. And she has done a great job, People like myself, support her because if President Trump trusts her, then we should too, give her a chance to redeem herself. As far of Megyn Kelly criticizing how she "Looks" (Noem) looks in the video, its just sour grapes and disdain. What does MK expect? For Noem to show up in her underwear only and look like an unkept guy? Sorry MK, but females actually do care how they look, especially, if its a female in a high position like her, making a speech! As it is, KN isn't even that well dressed in the vid, she looks like she put on a shirt and a pair of pants and headed to work, like a lot of Americans do. Making fun of her "Skin-tight" shirt, absolute pettiness. MK was too blinded by hatred that she didn't realize that the message of the vid is basically a warning: Come in illegally and break our law, and you'll end up with these criminals who did the same. And if the shoe was on the other foot, MK would definitely be so well dressed, she'd put Noem's outfit to shame, hypocrite Kelly.

If you're wondering why I'm not online much lately it's because I'm focusing on myself and working hard on getting a job again. There you have it. Happy Friday.

Too be honest, my mother told my 4 year old self that this was proper music. How can I go against my parental unit instructions? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykwLLMDi524

Saturday Selfie.

The best thing I can be is myself 😎🤎✨️

Soft decay, lace, and secrets you’ll have to see for yourself. 🕸️🔗 XZanthia.com