Lately, I've been noticing again how I'm becoming emotionally hardened and how everything feels surreal and intangible. However, it's currently at a level of severity that I last felt 7-8 years ago, when I was emotionally dead and constantly wearing a mask that was stuck on.

I wake up at night with my head in chaos and wonder if I can even comprehend or understand the right answers at the moment.

Sometimes I just lie there and stare into the darkness, as if it owes me some kind of answer. But it remains silent. Just like everything else. It feels more like I'm just running through memories of myself.

It's strange... I'm still functioning. I get up, talk to people, do things, smile at the right moments. From the outside, it probably looks normal. Maybe even stable. But inside, it feels like I'm playing a role whose lines I learned by heart long ago, without even knowing why I'm on this stage in the first place.

The Iran regime never cared about anyone outside it's regime to begin with. It was always going to be the country that launched nukes the day they got them and thank god Iran doesn't have nukes today.
https://youtube.com/shorts/7ytM-3Jrvrk?si=OlrOGc614D2bL0rP

my 34
voices through people at me
break lights dance across windows in silence
leaving behind thoughts of broken glass
good morningstar ill be in last night all day
BoreDom wants to tie me up by my ankles and tie me down by my hands
her craving for my difficulty demands
first simplification
finding the wrong questions by dissecting the right answers
i cant do anything but laugh at the hopeless ignorance of it all

because its funny

Vi tapppade all vår Tro. Och Och STAMMBYTE

You know that feeling of being scared to be happy even for a brief moment? Because that sensation when your happy little world crashes down and wrenches your entire gut and closes your thoat is the worst. And the bad always seems to come smashing down when you've just started floating again. So you avoid the crash by any cost. just not allowing youself to float up with happiness again. If everything remains in shambles maybe the bad won't come because ther is nothing left to shatter...
But sometimes you are dumb and faint glitter of hope makes you think maybe I'll try floating again maybe this time it won't crash. But it will.
Just one call and a nice and relaxed weekend that finally cheered me up a bit, became the start of probably the most difficult time I'll have to face...
I'm trueley terrified of whats ahead...

Perhaps there are others here who also work in the IT sector and/or have strong connections to the topic:

Currently, I am finding it increasingly difficult to continue working in my field, but in general and not explicitly related to my workplace.
Professionally, I deal with the topic of AI on a daily basis, but also to such an extent that issues such as professional recognition and even promotions depend on excessive use.
AI undoubtedly has its (sometimes really good) uses. Nevertheless, the ethics of its application on the current global scale seem extremely difficult to me.
So difficult that I don't know if I want to remain in this profession with a clear conscience, because I am no longer an IT consultant or developer, but rather feel like an AI coordinator whose job it is to mediate cleanly between humans and machines.
I am currently observing how jobs are increasingly being outsourced to AI. Either actively, by no longer advertising the positions, or passively, by dismissing everything that can be replaced via personnel interviews with seemingly flimsy justifications (you can always find a way to get rid of someone Unwanted).
And global experience shows how wonderful this outsourcing of work is: work becomes less valuable, company owners pocket the dividends, and the social divide grows ever wider.

I chose this profession to solve problems and help people, to specialize in consulting and service, to actively help people, to identify challenges that I am familiar with, and to support them. Even when the day was long and difficult, I could go home with a clear conscience. Because when the problem was solved, my customers were grateful and happy—and so was I, because I was able to help someone.
Today, I have become part of the problem. I no longer help to support people, but to replace them—and I am just waiting to be replaced myself.
I used to have the desire to continue my education in my field, to live my life and to learn. Now I no longer know why I should.

The future and the existence I had once envisioned, the “healthy world,” are no longer there.
And in the evenings, when darkness descends, I can hardly sleep. With my eyes closed, I lie awake, feeling paralyzed, as if my thoughts are constantly running into a wall. I don't dare talk about it with those around me because I only see myself as a burden on the world. I think no one needs my problems—everyone is struggling with their own, and I am just another burden, another eyesore in an already fragile world.
How can I still represent the hope and confidence of a world that is dying, when I am a correspondent of its murder?

LOL @ President Trump complaining about everything under the Sun!!!!

If it's not the Superbowl, it's the Olympics, lol

I'm sinking more and more into one of my sleep escapism-depressions again. Everything is so discouraging and seems so hopeless....

I can barely get myself to leave the bed lately. I lack any motivation and elan to do anything.
Perpetually trapped in task paralysis.

On workdays I push myself to still give 110% despite constantly asking "what am I doing it for its not like it's fruitful for me". Work drains me so much I can't find the energy to look for new jobs after hours.
And on Weekends I am still drained and barely drag myself out of bed after sleeping for 12hr, then I end up on the couch staring into my phone screen doomscrolling, because I can't get myself to sit on my PC and look for job offers because I know there are barely any that are suitable for me. But pursuing my hobbies makes me feel guilty because "I should spend this time on looking for jobs".
So I just sit there on the couch trapped by invisible chains of guilt and discourage while I'm hoping for the unlikely miracle that a Recruiter will find my job profile and it's the perfect match for both sides. And that the world politics wills suddenly be bearable again. But with the current leaders pfft finding the Amber-room again is more likely than having a secure and happy future.
Thats why I keep asking myself: What future am even doing it for?

I can’t see anything go wrong with this. -rolls eyes-
https://x.com/Polymarket/status/2018731372920344582