Lately, When I express my genuine thoughts and concerns, it feels like a form of punishment.

This happens both at work, in meetings where input is supposedly valued, and in my personal life. My attempts to voice a concern or a different perspective are often dismissed as pessimism, exaggeration, or even egomania. It seems I am being penalized simply for having an opinion and for caring enough to be concerned.

Increasingly, I feel that I am being passively silenced—not with a direct command, but with subtle cues and reactions that make thinking feel like a forbidden act. I am being reduced to a sounding board, a wall for others to shout at, with no expectation of a reciprocal conversation. My role is not to contribute, but to absorb.

And then, people wonder. They wonder why I am burning out, why my energy and creativity have evaporated, why my motivation has dwindled to nothing. They don't see the cumulative weight of being silenced.
I notice that the situation is gradually affecting my body. I currently only sleep with a tight chest and painful breathing, and I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing.

Phew, I'm exhausted...
I'm still feeling the after-effects of rearranging and tidying up my apartment, and today felt like the longest Monday in months...;
I started very early and worked the maximum amount of overtime allowed, then quickly ran to the post office at the last minute to take care of some private stuff (because digitization is a foreign concept in my country) and helped my neighbors with some minor IT issues (but that's okay, they're friendly and lovely people and I'm happy to help them).
Now the last mission of the day is not to fall into bed too early, even though my pillow is winking at me really seductively :D

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scissorpanties
mak emehappy

Unfortunatelly im going to have to do medical procedure on my prostate.. cause it's blocking my uretra.. causing me to have bladder and urinary issues... it sucks :X and i just hope that it will fix my problem and no to have to redo the procedure 5 years later or so...

As long as consenting adults freely choose to enter into a partnership, the government has no right to interfere. Marriage, like any other agreement, should be a matter of personal liberty.
The state should not issue or deny marriage licenses. Instead, it should only enforce contract law: protecting property rights, inheritance, and child custody agreements (the same way it would for any other private contract.)

Wow what a shitty End for a vacation. Successfully ruined another persons day again just by trying to open up and share my fears and emotions in hopes to clear my anxiety that I had since yesterday...
But noo triggered somewhat of a fight and anxiety for the other side too.
Aaaaaand thats why I usually bottle things up. When I talk about it I piss people off or make them sad and that worsens my anxiety. Even when I thought hard about how I say it and what I say, it always goes down the wrong pipe and ends with the worst outcome...
Why do I even try again ana again it always ends in disappointment: either I'm a bad trigger or I'm as important as fucking chairs. After all im only good for listening not for talking about feelings. I just muck things up...

I feel like such a human failure...

everyday isjust another missed opportunity to have ended it

What I miss most about this site? The ultra-goths. No matter what holiday, no matter the year. The hobbies, lifestyle, and even the most mundane of experiences. If it didn't involve the color black or Tim Burtonesque...it was frowned upon by the gate keeping elite. Spooky ain't what it used to be.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scif2vfg1ug