I'm on the verge of crying. I'm literally panicking. Another health issue came up that needs immediate medical procedure. This that gives me the worst anxiety on multiple levels...if I'm unlucky it will not only make me really ugly and I struggle with dismorphia, but also also what I fear most, it will delay my treatment yet again... possibly for several weeks. I finally got a fixed appointment for getting the blood drawn for testing first thing but now I fear the new issue can't wait and needs to be fixed immediately there is akute pain....they probably can't test my blood if there is residual narcotics and painkillers on my system....
Like my anxiety was not already bad since yesterday for other reasons. Now this...I'm really panicking right now. Why is it all breaking at once??

Ok I need to breathe and wait se how bad the pain gets today prepare for being incapacitated by meds while I still can and if I get worse I go to the doctor tomorrow first thing. Good thing I live right next door. Maybe it just got painful because I was feeling the swelling I know I shouldn't drag it out and fix acute things immediately. But the following issues of delayed treatment will be detrimental too possibly reshaping my future entirely.

Two Jewish guys are walking.....
when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100."

The one says to the other, "should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonna do it." So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says "well, did you get the money?" He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it?"

tellme who should it be
first second
third do wn
th e
li e
letsgo

So I got talked to at work again,today. Because I said some stuff about my neighbors dog as well as a black metal artist I enjoy listening to,so i guss I can't even have freedom of speech at my own job.....sad. Might be switching departments but that probably won't help....have to see what happens,the first time was even more dumb...it was over the fact I had a colonoscopy appointment and people are asking about it,I kept on saying surgery because I get confused and info mixed up sometimes. So when I mentioned the correct reason I was met with extreme immature reactions,we'll see how much longer I'm at the Front End before switching departments.

#3IATLAS #comet #meteor #interstellarobject #Interstellar #gravitational #Astronomy #Space #SpaceExploration #sciencenews #Science #technology #data #datascienceandengineering #datascience
Suddenly...a non-gravitational acceleration...
https://avi-loeb.medium.com/first-evidence-for-a-non-gravitational-acceleration-of-3i-atlas-at-perihelion-2698f6a453fe

Wow what a shitty End for a vacation. Successfully ruined another persons day again just by trying to open up and share my fears and emotions in hopes to clear my anxiety that I had since yesterday...
But noo triggered somewhat of a fight and anxiety for the other side too.
Aaaaaand thats why I usually bottle things up. When I talk about it I piss people off or make them sad and that worsens my anxiety. Even when I thought hard about how I say it and what I say, it always goes down the wrong pipe and ends with the worst outcome...
Why do I even try again ana again it always ends in disappointment: either I'm a bad trigger or I'm as important as fucking chairs. After all im only good for listening not for talking about feelings. I just muck things up...

I feel like such a human failure...

Another rant incoming today...sorry guys....ill delete that later....
just now I was once again proven to have self centered friends... I was messaged by a friend how I was doing and I already suspected that she just asked to initiate conversation and wanted to either rant or get attention...when I started talking about my health issues and how annoyed I was by the system she just replied something generic like "yeah the health system sucks" an then proceeded to Change the topic and show me her new living room chairs...
Like wtf your friends health is just something to causally comment on just to proceed with something so trivial as new chairs?! Feels like my health was just placed in the same important level als new chairs. Thanks for worrying or providing mental support....like I did for her years when she was trapping herself in a toxic relationship.
Last time we met we also talked about how life was going for me for maybe 30 minutes and for 3h I had to listen to her new found lovers and adventures in that regard... sucks being a good listener because at some point that's all you become to your friends...the listener

#videogames #Videogame #Fallout #FalloutNewVegas #nuke #nuclear #war #retrofuturistic #USA #bioweapons #Russia #postapocalyptic #scenario
https://www.pcgamer.com/games/fallout/the-original-fallouts-lead-developer-says-china-nuked-first-vault-suits-were-meant-to-be-extruded-by-a-machine-and-yes-sugar-bombs-are-a-calvin-and-hobbes-reference/

Why did Henry VIII have Anne Boleyn beheaded? She couldn't convince Henry that he was the first!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xK7mgtTLprI